Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Code Red

I have a serious problem here, y'all. Remember when I said there wasn't a lot of leftover food from the wedding? That is technically true, in that what was left was mostly chips, dip, and cake, which is not so much food as junk. And this is where the problem arises. Because do you know what happens when you leave me alone all day with chips and chocolate cake? I eat it. ALL OF IT.

And don't start talking to me about moderation and how it's okay to have just a little bit of junk now and then, because I am not capable of that. I know this about myself. It's why I don't normally have this stuff in the house. I will literally eat a full-size bag of Reduced-Fat Ruffles (my particular chip weakness) in two days. Or, maybe hypothetically not that I did this, a quarter of a very large chocolate cake in a day and a half, with some help from A. (Thanks, Aunt Barb! It was delish!)

I am further weakened by the arrival of a certain, ahem, monthly visitor who is a complete bitch and demands fat and sugar in large quantities. AND, the fact that I have not been running lately due to various injuries* (not that I'm using them as an excuse--nooooo) is not helping matters here.

My binge should be over by the end of the week, however. Mostly due to the fact that I'll have blown through my stash by then. I (and the waistband of my jeans) can only hope.

So tell me, duckies, what food makes you lose control? And if you're one of those people who doesn't really like to eat, or forgets to eat, or stops eating when you're full, and you wanted to comment about that? Forget it. I don't want to hear it. But the rest of you, help me feel not so alone: What's your weakness?

* I will neither confirm nor deny that the stab wound on my big toe from kicking a particularly sharp stick while wearing sandals at the wedding was champagne-related.

25 comments:

FinnyKnits said...

I am known around these parts (my house) as the Ultimate Snacker. I can mow down a bag of chips in utter seconds. I eat all the fries in the bag before we ever get home. I can eat my body weight in dinner rolls.

Bubba does not let me alone with snack foods because he knows they'll be gone in mere moments. And this is also why I don't buy them. Because my jeans tell me not to.

If I could take one snack food to my grave though, it might have to be those ridiculously fake and gnarly Cheddar Cheese and Sour Cream Ruffles. Give me a ranch dip with those and leave me alone to binge.

My my my, is my monthly visitor on its way?

Phoo-D said...

Chips and salsa- I won't stop until it is gone!

Anonymous said...

As we speak (so to speak). I am eating almond hershey's kisses. Nope, can't stop at one, have to have multiple multiples.

Leslie said...

French fries and pizza. I can't help myself!

Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother said...

I blame my mother. She always cooked exactly as much as she knew we were going to eat. We didn't have leftovers. Which means I learned early on that you're not done eating while there's still food on the table.

I'll be done and begging my wife to please take the rest away before I eat more. And don't tell me, "Just clear the table yourself," because it's easier to just eat the rest standing over the sink than to find the right size container for it.

But specifically? Fritos. They're salted crack.

Mayberry Magpie said...

I have a friend. She is thin. I will call her A. While having lunch a while back with a mutual friend, who I will call K and who hadn't seen our mutual friend A in a long while, K said "How is A doing? I worry about her. She always looks so undernourished."

And at that moment, I decided I could no longer be friends with A . . . because no one will ever, EVER, say I look undernourished.

Which is why I can be friends with you. You eat cake. And chips. And that makes you my kind of gal.

By the way, cheese and bread are my weaknesses. I can live on cheese and bread.

Sara said...

My weakness? Food. I have a portion control problem, even with healthy food. However, I can eat a brick (or close to) of cheese at a time. Oh, and don't get me started on Nutella...really, or I won't stop. And...OK, I'll just stop there.

K. L. Parish said...

Braaaaaaaaainssss...

Er...


I mean, breeeeeeeeeeead. Must. Have. Bread.

Preferably one of those cool artisan loaves. Which I could totally eat by itself with butter for supper (every night for the rest of my life).

*ahem* So yeah. Carbs make the world go 'round.

Beth said...

Chips, chips and more chips. If it's Baked Lays I tell myself it's okay to eat half the bag, they're baked. But the two things I LOVE, popcorn the main reason I go to the movies, my husband doesn't like the stuff, (I forget this and always order the large) and guacamole. I can eat it w/chips or just by itself. mmmmmmm.......... guacamole maybe w/a side of popcorn.

seth said...

cookies, cake and if there's any left in the freezer....ice cream
my knees are weak

granny said...

Chips and cheesescake are my weakness,the cheesecake isnt even safe in the freezer !!! Ive been known to eat an occassional piece frozen :0)

rls said...

I'm with Seth and Granny... sweet tooth. Cake, ice cream, cheesecake - those are my poisons of choice. I'm like you, Kristin, I just don't keep them in the house anymore, and my kids are always saying, "There's nothing to eat here!" To which I reply, "Have an apple, an orange, a banana, some grapes, some string cheese." That usually earns me an eye-roll.

krysta said...

cookies... oh lord, i don't care what kind of cookies they are, if they are in front of me i will eat them.

chips and salsa are goners too.

Julie said...

I pretty much have no control, except when it comes to aspargus or brussel sprouts. I'm a non-biased binge eater. Except the last week I've been sick, but as soon as I'm all better, look out!

Aunt Krissy said...

Dairy. I like a little potato with my sour cream. A pint of ice cream serves one, not 4 like it says.
And I drink buttermilk straight.

Amy said...

Hashbrown casserole. I'll stand over the sink and eat it til it's gone.
and yeast doughnuts.

CountryMidwife said...

Oh, man. Where to begin. Pound cake? Sugar cookies with iced frosting? Kettle corn? Red vines? Hot homemade bread? Peanut butter and everything?

CountryMidwife said...

I realize I forgot the BEST EVER: snickerdoodles. Yum.

Kristin it took you TWO DAYS to eat a bag of chips? Slacker. Wannabe.

Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother said...

Ooh, snickerdoodles. [sigh] Mo-om! I wanna snickerdoodle!

Sweet Bird said...

Pizza. It's my kryptonite. I've usually got iron willpower, but when it comes to pizza I can't stop at just one slice.

However, with some calorie finagling, I've still been able to eat pizza a couple times and lose ten pounds in the last 6 weeks.

That, however, would not have been possible if I didn't wear blinders around Doritos. I cannot resist them.

Also, I'm starting to think that the captcha words are turning into those child proof bottle caps that only children can open. I can never read these damn things anymore. You'd have to be a computer to figure them out.

Anonymous said...

This might help:
I once ate an entire Pepperidge Farm chocolate cake by myself, in one sitting.

It was the whole "Oh, I'll just take off this corner...even that up a bit...that was good - I think just a bit more..."

Now and then, one must do what needs done. And of course I'm making this anonymous. Pfft!

Susan said...

I don't even know where to start. And I certainly don't know when to stop.

Anonymous said...

There is an article in the Washington Post this morning about this very phenom! Fats, salts and sugar are the new sex, drugs and rock 'n roll for the 21st cent. Apparently "just say no" does not work here either.

Anonymous said...

Sorry...here is the url!http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/26/AR2009042602711.html

Anonymous said...

Pastry.

And nachos.