It's Electric!

Just typing that title made me flash back to every 8th grade graduation party I attended and doing the Electric Slide at each and every one of them. But today's post is not about Awkward Social Occasions of My Youth--it's about my dogs. Again. And my husband.

There is a very busy road running right in front of our house that separates the house from the lakeshore. That lakeshore is a magnet for our two youngest dogs. I'm sure there are lots of rotting carcasses and squirrels down there, so I guess I can see the appeal, if I were a dog. But of course, they have to cross this road to get to the lakeshore, and this road features a whole lot of traffic of the semi-truck variety. We've had several close calls with these dogs, and more than one family dog in the past has been killed on the road, so we've been trying for a long time now to find a way to keep them from going down there. Short of locking them in their pen all the time, which is what I have to do to keep them from running to the road as soon as my back is turned.

Here's where the husband comes in. We have electric fencing around a good portion of our property, and this is greatly feared by the dogs. Which is a good thing. They only need one shock to know that it hurts to try to run to the neighbors', and maybe it would be less painful to stay around the house. But of course, we can't run the fence across our driveway. Or can we?

A. came home from work yesterday all but rubbing his hands in glee about a fabulous idea he'd had on the way home. It's frightening, really, what an evil genius he is. Here's what he did: He ran a single electric wire across the driveway, about 8 inches off the ground. And then, to make sure the dogs didn't just jump over it without getting the shock that would scare them, he threaded salami through the wire.

Imagine, if you will, that you are one of our dogs. You realize all the humans are in the house, so you stroll casually down the driveway toward the road. At the bottom, your nose picks up a scent. Could it be? SALAMI! And look! It's suspended in mid-air, just at nose height! So you decide a snack is in order before your frolic on the beach. And you open your mouth, bite down on that delicious luncheon meat, and . . . HOLY SHIT! IT'S ELECTRIFIED SALAMI!

We didn't actually witness the triumph of what A. calls "the deterrent," but we're pretty sure it happened something like that. A. walked down the driveway to get the paper this morning, and those dogs didn't even follow to the front of the house, much less down the driveway. Not that they're permanently scarred or anything, because they were playing nicely outside this morning. But they sure as hell weren't playing down by the road. Obviously, we can't leave the wire up all the time, since people are always driving into our driveway to turn around or whatever. But I don't think the dogs will go close enough to find out that the wire is down.

I thought twice about posting this today, since I had commented on another site about being a dog lover and I was afraid people would jump to this site to read some heart-warming story about Lassie (see a few days ago for that one) and instead they get Electrified Salami. But we did this because we love our dogs and would rather shock them a couple of times than see them smeared on the pavement by a semi. So Electrified Salami, you did good work. And A., I salute you. This time you got to use your powers for both good and evil. But I think the good won out.