Try To Contain Your Excitement

Yes, I have returned. Actually, I returned yesterday, but my brain was so scrambled from lack of sleep, I thought it best to spare you the gibberish that would have resulted from writing in that state. I don't think my brain has quite recovered yet, which is why I present a random collection of tidbits from our trip, instead of my usual carefully thought-out and organized post (snort).

Overnight train+Coach class seats=no sleep. Then add in 8 hours of driving after getting off the train, and you have 20 straight hours of travel on about 20 minutes worth of sleep, resulting in two deliriously tired travelers. The end result of this long equation: Thursday was Not a Fun Day.

But! On Friday we awoke from the sleep of the dead in Decorah, Iowa, to find that they were beginning their Norway Fest. I saw a man with a grossly large belly on the street corner wearing a t-shirt that read "Lefse Fed." I will tell you right now that there is no way his gut was the result of a surplus of Norwegian flat bread. A more truthful t-shirt would have read "Twinkie and Budweiser Fed." BUT ANYWAY . . . There is a really good Norwegian-American Museum in Decorah. I thought it would be lame and podunk, but it turned out to be four floors plus outdoor exhibits. Two thumbs up.

And then, because I am a huge geek, we drove to the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum in Walnut Grove, Minnesota. One of the great trips of my life was visiting the "Farmer Boy" museum in upstate New York, so of course we had to go to this one. I make no apologies for my excitement about this museum. I was on the banks of Plum Creek, y'all. It was a highlight.

After that, it was time to stop indulging ourselves and meet up with my family for the actual reason for this trip. Speaking completely objectively, I can say with authority that my niece is definitely more intelligent, adorable, and advanced than most 2-month-olds. Nope, no bias here.

The Catholic church the baptism was in was incredibly beautiful. It's in the middle of a tiny town in Nowhere, Minnesota (not its actual name), but those German immigrants that built the church threw all their Germanic love of wood carving and ornamentation into this thing. It looked like a cathedral. Very cool.

Saturday was our fifth wedding anniversary. We celebrated by totally forgetting about it. I remembered about 8 p.m., went outside to wish A. a happy anniversary, he replied in kind, and then we went back to drinking beer with my family.

Sunday we went to Minneapolis to meet with my friend Sarah. I hadn't seen her in a few years, and she looks all sophisticated with pretty highlights in her hair and nice nails. I wish I could pull that off. I could try, but I don't think it would impress the sheep much.

Monday we were in Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin. Have you ever seen the Mustard Museum on the Travel Channel or the Food Network? That's in Mt. Horeb. We went there, it was kind of interesting, I bought some mustard and felt cool for actually going to a place that was featured on the Travel Channel. Then we went to Little Norway, which has not been featured on the Travel Channel but should be because it was a lot better than the Mustard Museum.

Little Norway is the largest privately owned museum in the U.S. It's an old farm settled by Norwegian immigrants (duh) with all the original buildings and tons of Norwegian antiques. I highly recommend it if you're ever in the Mt. Horeb area. But what are the chances of that, right?

We stayed in three different hotels/motels on this trip. The motels were all classic A. picks, meaning built in the 1960s with ugly architecture, real keys instead of cards, room doors opening to the parking lot, and costing less than $60 a night. The hotel was a Holiday Inn that we stayed in with my family. It cost twice as much as the motels and was twice as unpleasant. There was a Little League tournament in town, so my conservative estimate is that there were five million children screaming and racing around the pool area to the background music of bass-thumping tween bands. The pool was open until 11 p.m., and all the rooms, ALL OF THEM, overlooked the pool. Little punks kept me awake. Am I a grumpy old lady? Yes. NOW GO TO BED, YOU ROTTEN KIDS!

However, is there anything better than lying in bed in an air conditioned hotel/motel room watching "I Love the 70's" on the VH1 Classics channel? Not if you don't have air conditioning or cable at home, there isn't.

Our rental car was a Kia Reo. It didn't have cruise control and seemed a little reluctant to start. But it did have air conditioning, which gives it an immediate advantage over both of our P.O.S. vehicles, AND it got 40 miles to the gallon. Let me repeat that: 40, four zero, miles to the gallon. Sweet.

So there you have it: A brief recap of the travels of A. and Kristin. Now I must wrestle with the Grasshole for an intensive lawn-mowing session. It's good to be home.