Are You a Follower?

You know those people who can go into the kitchen, rummage around in their cabinets and fridge for five minutes, and then spontaneously create a meal from found ingredients that is not only edible, but actually inspires praise?

I am not one of those people.

I like recipes. I almost always cook from a recipe. Or at least, I consult recipes before I begin cooking so I have some idea of what I'm doing. This is not to say that I follow recipes blindly and slavishly--there's often a lot of substituting. Not honey-for-soy-sauce kind of substituting, but relatively like ingredients substituting. It goes something like this in my head:

"Hmm, we have a lot of sausage. And I really need to start using the collard greens in the garden. Sounds to me like a pasta sauce. Of some kind. But do I add onions, or just garlic? Do I need to add some kind of creamy thing as a binder? Do I have to cook the sausage first, then take it out of the pan and cook the greens? CAN I OBSESS ANY MORE OVER A STUPID MEAL?"

Yes, it turns out I can. I have this fantastic cookbook I got from the library that has hundreds of recipes for using garden vegetables. I think it's called "Serving Up the Harvest," but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and look. ANYWAY, I thought I remembered some kind of pasta sauce in there with sausage and greens. Once I have the recipe, it goes something like this in my kitchen:

So, I have this recipe that tells me to first cook the sausage in olive oil. Check. Then add three cloves garlic and 1.5 pounds chopped Swiss chard. I like garlic, so that becomes four cloves, the Swiss chard becomes collard greens, and who honestly weighs shit for a recipe? I have no idea how many pounds of greens were in there. I'm such a rebel. But wait! I have leftover beet greens in the fridge. They might make the sauce disturbingly pink, but those Food Network prisses are always yapping about color on the plate, right? Then the recipe called for tomatoes and chicken broth. Well, guess who has tomatoes in the garden now! One and a half cups? How much is that? Screw it, I'll just toss in all the Roma tomatoes I've harvested so far. Chicken broth? No, do not have. So let's just put in some water. Oh wait! There's white wine in the fridge! That'll work, right? A glug or two of that down my throat, and then into the sauce. The recipe gives an actual measured amount for black pepper? Who does that? I'll just grind until I don't want to anymore. Then add salt.

And there it is! A meal that follows the spirit of the recipe if not the actual recipe.*

Despite all my deviations though, I still always want to have something to consult. It makes me feel safe. Also, if it all goes horribly wrong, I have someone else to blame it on.

So tell me: are you a recipe follower, or a fearless inventor in the kitchen?

* In case you were wondering, it turned out really well. But that might have had more to do with the sausage than with my awesome kitchen skillz. Sausage makes everything better.