Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sing It, Tom(ato)*

Well, I won't back down,
No, I won't back down.
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.

Gonna stand my ground,
Won't be turned around.
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down,
Gonna stand my ground, and I won't back down.

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out.
Hey, I will stand my ground,
And I won't back down.

Perhaps Tom Petty had tomatoes in mind when he wrote that song.

What's that you say? You're sick of tomatoes? You wish I would do something else with my life so this blog would be more interesting than a tomato bitch fest day after day?

That's funny, because ME TOO.

But I can't stop. I can't stop talking about the tomatoes, I can't stop bitching about the tomatoes, and I damn sure can't stop canning tomatoes, because the tomatoes keep ripening. Oh my God in heaven, are they ripening.

I made and canned tomato soup yesterday (like Campbell's Cream of--only not gross), and I thought I had done an admirable job of taming the tomato mountain in my kitchen. Then I went out to harvest. And I got another VERY FULL dish pan of tomatoes.

You know the dish pan. You've seen the dish pan more than once. It's become a permanent fixture. As have the tomatoes that constantly fill it. I figure the dish pan holds about 30 pounds of tomatoes. Which means I am harvesting 30 pounds of tomatoes A DAY. Try to wrap your head around that one. Next time you're buying tomatoes at the store, take note of how many pounds you buy, and then multiply accordingly. Then weep for me.

I mean really, what does one do with that many tomatoes? Make sauce? Yes, three times. Make soup? Check. Can them plain? Yup, twice. How about salsa? Already been done. Twice. I'M RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS HERE.

I think I'm about halfway through the tomato harvest. And I may be willing to admit the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I planted a few too many tomato plants this year. Just a few.

But I will not give up. I will not back down. I planted those fecking tomatoes, and I will eat every damn one of them in one form or another, as God is my witness! Or die trying. Which is looking more and more like a distinct possibility.

Help.

* The fact that I even noticed that the name Tom is a part of the word "tomato," and that this was HILARIOUS to me, tells you all you need to know about my tenuous grip on sanity at the moment.

15 comments:

  1. Kristin,I think I have your solution: A tomato fight - inspired by the Spainards:

    "The Festival La Tomatina is one huge tomato fight and each year around 30,000 people turn up to take part."

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm in. That would be cathartic for you, would it not? I'm also up for bringing back the tradition of throwing rotten tomatoes at stage actors.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was TOTALLY clicking the comment box to say you should have a tomato throwing festival--but someone beat me to it! I think it's a very respectable end to the season.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kristin - put your tomatoes on a cookie sheet (whole and uncut) and freeze 'em. Then put them in large bags in the freezer. They roll around like pool balls. Add them to sauce etc. The best sauce we made last winter was a combo of canned and frozen tomatoes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I recommend homemade tomato paste. I made it once, when I was suffering from a mini-overload of homegrown tomatoes (NOTHING like your dilemma.......) and I was so surprised at how many stinkin' tomatoes you needed just to get a decent amount of paste. It freezes well too.
    Just a thought.
    --Lennie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow. I'm worried for your sanity indeed. Perhaps you should sell some of your tomatoes at the side of the road.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love that song !
    I don't have any suggestions for your problem... maybe you could feed your sheep tomatoes? I think they would love that !

    ReplyDelete
  8. Angie--I would dearly love to freeze the little bastards, but we have oh, zero freezer space, what with the three lambs that will be filling it in about a week.

    Sara--A. has been trying to convince me for weeks now to put a table at the side of the road and sell them. But they're MINE. I don't share well.

    Marie--Now there's a thought . . .

    Lennie--I thought about making tomato paste. Then I thought about how long it would take and how impatient I am, and I figured I'd probably just burn it and ruin it, so why bother? But I think I may try ketchup next . . .

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mmm...? Gazpacho? It uses a lot of tomatoes.

    You could make the world's biggest BLT? But you'd need to harvest a hog first.

    Bloody Mary's are good. Although I'm not sure of the canning process for that...

    How about tomato juice?

    ReplyDelete
  10. they're coming to take me away, ha,ha..they're coming to take me away he, he... ho, ho.

    is this kristen's descent into madness? stay tuned..

    ReplyDelete
  11. You HAVE NOT run out of options. You forgot shipping cartons of canned tomatoes to your faithful readers :-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. You, my friend, crack me up every day.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi, found you yesterday. Enjoying reading your tomato adventures. I'll toss out my ideas for the bounty. Use at will or discard as necessary.

    Never tried it, but how about ketchup or tomato paste done in a crock pot with the lid off. Maybe start it on the stove and once it's partially cooked down switch to the crock pot. Seems like that wouldn't burn as easily.

    Sun-dried. Done a few batches of those this year and was surprised at how well they turned out.

    As a last resort can extra, next year maybe a bad year for tomatoes and they keep well canned for more than one year.



    Sheila Z

    ReplyDelete
  14. Krysta quoted a Dr. Demento song! How cool is that? And how appropriate that the next line is, "To the funny farm, where life is happy all day long."

    And Sheila, I am intrigued by the idea of using the Crockpot to reduce tomatoes. I shall have to do some research on that . . .

    ReplyDelete