Now here's a question: As a child, were you expected to call adults only Mr. or Mrs. Whatever? Or were you encouraged to use first names for everyone?
I, being the child of both a military officer and a southern mother, was instructed that my elders were never to be called by first name. Made sense to me. They weren't my friends. They were adults. They were Mr. or Mrs. I had a couple of friends whose mothers asked me to call them by their first names, claiming Mrs. made them feel old. And I always thought to myself, though of course I never said it aloud, "But you ARE old." And they were. To me at 16. Calling them Mrs. Whatever was actually a mark of respect. Interestingly, I never once had a friend's father request that I use his first name.
However, I think this may be a practice that is falling out of fashion. So here's the poll for today: Do you think children should address their elders as Mr., Mrs. or Ms.? Or are you firmly in the first-name camp?
I think that depends on how well you and the children know the person. Our girls call all of our good friends (whom they've known since they were babies) by their first name. Everybody else is Mrs. or Mr..
ReplyDelete*snorts* I am so bad that I had to remember to tell my daughter to call her teacher Ms. Roycroft instead of by her first name on the first day of school :c) I think it's an outdated convention, but then again I tend to buck at the system lol. Besides there is no one in my sphere that would need to be addressed that way - it would seem completely out of place.
ReplyDeleteMr. and Mrs. works for me. And speaking of military manners, as a Yankee I grew up never calling anyone "sir". It always sounded awkward and fake to me. After boot camp, it seemed completely normal.
ReplyDeleteWe had to call extended family Aunty or Uncle so-and-so. Friends of my parents, and parents of my friends were always Mr and Mrs. Whatever. I still find it hard to break the habit now. And I'm 26.
ReplyDeleteThere are certain people that will always be Mr and Mrs Whatever. My boyfriend is more Afrikaans and they tend to use Aunty or Uncle (or Tannie and Oom if you want to get technical about the language!) for everyone, family or not.
I suppose it depends on the level of respect due that person (my grandparent's freinds are always Mr and Mrs) and their relationship with you, and how you were raised. I now call some people by their first name, but only after they asked me to!
I think it's a great thing, it helps children learn that adults are different (at least most) and they deserve respect. I always called people Mr & Mrs, especially teachers and anyone in authority.
ReplyDeleteHowever, with adults that they're very familiar with first names or nicknames are fine. My nieces & nephew call me by a family nickname. And as adult most kids call me by my first name, and it doesn't bother me at all.
Definately old school for me. Miss, Ms, Mrs and Mr. I am teaching the grandchildren now.
ReplyDeleteI believe children should address adults as Mr/Mrs/Ms to start with. However, depending on how close to the family the adult is, the adult could be called by the first name, but I think it should only be at the request of that adult. We had a very few close friends of my parents that we called aunt or uncle. I think a lot of social problems we have nowadays is that children are not being taught to have respect for adults in their familiar circle and that spills over to authority figures of any kind and even to everyone in general.
ReplyDeleteI do feel funny sometimes when I now see friends of my parents, I call them Mr/Mrs, but since I am now 58, it seems I could probably call them by their first name now:) it just doesn't come naturally.
I'm on the fence about this one. I tend to lean toward first names mostly.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's friends called me by my first name or just called me "mom". I taught my daughters to respect the individual's choice. My oldest daughter's girl scout leader was always Mrs K. and even though she was only a few years older than me, I can't even remember her first name. She commanded such respect and it was expected. My younger daughters scout leader went by Miss T. (first name) even though she was married. Much more casual.
Miss Sally, Miss Jane, Miss whatever was a sign of respect to an adult and was used regardless of marriage. It is a bit of a southern thing. Usually used for close family friends.
My brother once fussed at me because I didn't insist my girls call him Uncle or use sir all the time. That seems to me to create an emotional distance - especially when forced. (And his son is now in jail for possession. hmmmm....) Whereas my younger brother became unka D. (initial used) as a term of endearment by the kids (they started it).
I think it is important to teach kids to respect adults and and to respect their wishes. Strangers should get an automatic Mr or Mrs, Sir or Ma'am. But kids are smart; no forced term of respect is going to "create" respect where it is not earned.
I grew up with it being tied to famliarity. If the adult was a close personal friend of my parents, everyone was on a first name basis. However if we did not know the adult well it was Mr./Mrs., etc. My parents always set the tone by saying "This is Mrs. Smith or This is Susan." I did have a few kids call me Mrs. __ the other day and I have to say it made me feel like and old lady!
ReplyDeleteWhen I remarried and inherited five grandkids, all of them were supposed to call me Grandmother. But because everyone in the family calls me by my first name, they do too now, and they are ten years old or younger. I think that it all just works out naturally. I must admit, Grandmother isn't an especially appealing name to me, and certainly Mrs. wouldn't work.
ReplyDeleteits mr or mrs for this transplanted yankee.
ReplyDeletei cannot get used to this southern practice of putting mr or mrs in front of a first name. but, it is better than just a first name.
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I grew up calling every adult, the wasn't a relative, Mr., Mrs. or Miss. Now that I have a kid, I'm a little more relaxed about it. Close friends are called by their first name. There are exceptions, if that friend is working they must be called by there title and last name. It just doesn't seem right to call out "Hi, Kevin" when Kevin is working as a police officer. He should be called Officer Smith. Does that make any sense? Wow, it just might be easier to go back to using Mr,Mrs and Miss.
ReplyDeleteI'm old fashioned, so I really appreciate the practice of addressing elders with a Mr. or Mrs. Growing up, if it was a very informal relationship, we could tack a "miss or a mr" on front of the adult's first name.... such as Mr Eddie and Miss Wanda-- I'm 33- and I still refer to my friend's parents as Mr. Eddie and Miss Wanda.... old habits die hard. My parents continue to be called Mr Jimmy and Miss Mary. I don't think I'll ever feel "old" enough to change that.
ReplyDeleteI grew up calling people Mr. and Mrs. but with my kids it was a mixture, depending on who the people were - whether they were my friends or strangers.
ReplyDeleteI'm 30 & still address anyone over the age of 20 Mr. & Mrs. It's the way I was raised. It would seem very foreign to me not to. I'm from the south & I think for the most part that's just they way it is down here. When I was a kid if I were to address any adult without the Mr. or Mrs. it would have been an embarassment to my parents.
ReplyDeleteIt really depends. We're from the south and at preschool the teachers have the children call them Miss plus their first name (Miss Stephanie). This is only done because the children have difficulty pronouncing some of their last names. They also address close friends in this fashion or call them uncle or aunt (Mr. Nate/ Uncle Nate). My husband is in the Army and they call his coworkers by their rank and last name just like my husband does (Sgt. Williams). Aunts and uncles are always aunt/uncle or auntie/unkie plus the first name (aunt Joanne/ unkie Tommy) depending on what they prefer. Everyone else is Mr. Mrs. or Miss plus the last name. We always introduce them as they wish to be called, "children this is mommy friend Miss Maria", or , "kids meet the neighbor Mr. Black". I think doing it this way reminds them that they are talking to adults but helps them feel more comfortable with those we are closer to.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the situation. At school, we're Mr. or Ms. When I taught at the neighborhood school, I had to reteach my daughter's friends to call me by my "teacher name."
ReplyDeleteI generally consider myself progressive. However, it definitely rubs me the wrong way when my 11 year old's friends call me Wendy. My daughter addresses her friend's parents by Mr. or Mrs. unless they tell her otherwise (and usually need to insist b/4 we're OK with it). I have a friend my kids call "miss grace", but that sounds really nice togehter. Her husband's name is Dale, and we dont see him a whole lot, and Mr. Dale sounds a little odd, so they've been calling him Mr. Grace. In this case, probably not the best manners, but it just sounds right!
ReplyDeleteOh, one more comment. I ended up working with a teacher who was MY 8th grade teacher. Though she was my colleague, I called her Mrs. Brown for about a year before I could bring myself to call her by her first name.
ReplyDeleteI STILL call adults Mr and Mrs ...
ReplyDeleteincluding the man we bought our farm from - hubby thinks I'm nuts - and it makes me laugh but old habits are hard to stop ;)
(I'm a child of the 60s ;))
Oh, yeah - grew up calling adults Mr. and Mrs. My kids' friends mostly call me Mrs., except for a few of my daughter's friends whom I have given permission to call me by my given name. I recently "friended" one of my former high school teachers on Facebook and STILL cannot make myself call him by his first name. And have noticed that several of my peers still address him as Mr. X on Facebook (and we're in our 40's, people).
ReplyDeleteI am definitely on the "old-school" side of this debate: Mr./Mrs./Ms. Respect of one's elders is NEVER outdated.
ReplyDeleteI suspect it's a Southern idiosyncrasy but I was always taught as were my children that folks we didn't know really were Mr. & Mrs. but friends of the family etc... were Mr. firstname and Ms. firstname as in " Go next door an' get a cupa' suga' from Ms. Eileen!" *knock knock* " Hey Ms. Eileen, mama wants to know can she borrow a cupa' suga'?
ReplyDeleteMMkay, this comment is three months late or so, but I need to put in my say...
ReplyDeleteThis may sound ridiculous coming from a 23 year old, but my parents taught us any adult is referred to by Mr. or Mrs. My husband's parents taught him the same way...in fact, they'd get a swift smack to the back of the head if his father ever heard them being "so rude."
I didn't really care about it when I wasn't married, but now that I've officially "grown up" or something, I prefer our friend's children refer to my husband and I as Mr. and Mrs. I won't correct them or undermine what their parents have taught them, but I quite like it when they show the respect. Being a Mrs. has unleashed some weird Jane Austen-era etiquette in me. In fact, even with married friends of mine who are my age and younger, I frequently refer to them by Mr. or Mrs.
Also, I prefer if people when they first meet me refer to me by Mrs. I leave it up to them to decide, but I always introduce myself with my first AND last name, just in case.