Friday, November 20, 2009

Lies. All Lies.

Lennie's comment yesterday about being warmer this winter due to pregnancy made me mad (don't worry, Lennie--I'm not mad at you). Because a LOT of people told me this, starting way back in the summer. And to be honest, I was kind of counting on it. I was dreaming of a winter when my hands and feet weren't always cold, when my nose would be warm at night, when I could fling away my wool sweaters and romp around in, like, a cotton t-shirt and sweatshirt.

This is not going to happen.

I understand there are real physiological reasons for women being warmer while they're pregnant (increased blood supply, mostly), but I'm not. And that's only one of the standard pregnancy side effects that don't seem to apply to me.

I have not felt the crazy urge to scrub all the grout in my bathroom with a toothbrush in a fit of nesting.

I have not had any weird cravings for something I never normally want to eat, like liver (GROSS). Or even a craving strong enough that I was willing to actually go out of my way to procure a food.

I am not glowing. I know this because no one has said so. And isn't that some kind of given, that people immediately respond to pregnant women by gushing, "Oh, you're glowing!" So I must really not be glowing.

I have not had erratic, hormonally-driven emotional fits. You know, crying over a commercial, screaming at people for no good reason, all those good things that are usually attributed to pregnancy. One day, I may decide to behave like a raging bitch for no good reason, because I might as well get some use out of this convenient excuse.

I'm sure there are more, because my usual reaction to books about pregnancy or other people's stories is that no, that does not sound familiar. And it is my understanding that a lot of women don't experience "typical" pregnancies, so who decided what's typical? Maybe nothing is typical! Maybe the medical community is trying to dictate a woman's experience! Maybe it's all a BIG CONSPIRACY!

Maybe I need to go have some breakfast before I start seeing black helicopters. Have a nice weekend, duckies!

11 comments:

  1. I was counting on the pregnancy heat wave as well, and it never effing happened. FAIL.

    I submit that you are just one of those pregnancy rock stars. My sister was one too: no side effects, no crazy behavior - just belly, then baby, end of story. Good on ya.

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  2. I never had typical symptoms either. No, I had weird ones. Like gagging only at the smell of coffee or not being able to eat hot food AT ALL. I lived on sandwiches and salads and tons of fruit. But the weirdest was the heat thing. I used to be very cold natured, hands and toes like icicles. I remember standing in the stairwell at work trying to warm up - in the _summer_ because the ac was too cold for me. But during my second pregnancy, my thermostat just flipped. For the past 25 years I do not get cold unless it is like freezing and windy and I'm exposed for extended time. I do not even own a coat. Of course, that's easier living in Texas where we have a week or two of freezing weather all winter. But it often gets down into the 30s and 40s and I have gone all winter not turning on the heat. A couple of days ago I was gardening in shorts and sandals and it was 45 degrees outside. I've asked doctors and all they say is "It happens."

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  3. I don't know about the rest of you, but this post sounded a little emotional - especially at the end. LOL!

    My mom always said that being pregnant was like having a blanket across your belly. Maybe you feel it more during the summer months when it's your last couple months and you feel big as a house. Since you're expecting in the dead of winter (right) the baby's just regulating your heat!

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  4. I was even colder than normal when I was pregnant. go figure.

    THe only thing I could not eat was pizza. Which sucked because I could not eat it for 4-5 years afterwards either. Fortunately, for all of us, that issue has resolved itself.

    You must be a rock star - enjoy it while you can!!!!
    Kris

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  5. Ah, the joys of pregnancy ... we all do it different! For me the warmth came near the end -- since that was June and July, it was relatively unpleasant. Especially when driving around in a flippin' car with BOTH the a/c and the power windows broken. Lovely.
    I also was not sick, not even once. Friends hated me for that. I did have a craving...creamsicles. I wanted them constantly. And near the end I suddenly couldn't stand the smell or taste of garlic. Go figure. It's weird bein' a woman.
    (And I'm glad you're not mad at me........)

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  6. "You're glowing" is what people say instead of pointing at your belly and screaming in terror that you're going to deliver your baby on their lawn.

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  7. No cravings, sadly. It would have been a great time to take advantage of the Husband and I wasted it. :(

    I did gag every time we followed these certain trucks in Hawaii. I think it was the smell of the exhaust. After delivery it never bothered me a bit. Weird.

    Yeah... yer probably a rock star. :)

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  8. That glowing thing is a myth, from my POV.

    But you should definitely get some use out of this pregnancy if only so the child can have a good story about how you made A. get up at 2am to go find you a vanilla milkshake OR ELSE YOU WERE GOING TO LOSE IT.

    That kinda thing.

    Plus, then you'll have a vanilla milkshake.

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  9. Funny you mention black helicopters, we fly them every day. But really they are Army OD green. Lance

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  10. Honey? You're sounding a bit cranky. I recommend a candy bar and a nap.

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  11. How would we know if you're glowing if you don't show us a photo?

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