Back in the Saddle Again

Cubby went to the woods this morning with A. just as Charlie was falling asleep for his first nap of the day.  I was left with a whole 45 minutes (or so) of free time.  I didn't have another cup of coffee.  I didn't check my e-mail.  I didn't read a book.  

I processed cabbage.  And it felt so liberating.

The thing about motherhood is that it takes so much of me.  Of anyone.  Especially when the babies are so new.  I just am not . . . me for awhile there.  There is no existence beyond caring for the baby and the rest of my family.  So when I can reclaim any part of my pre-baby life, it feels like a small step towards reclaiming my vision of myself as my own person.

If this seems too deep in reference to cabbage, well, yes.  But food--growing, processing, and cooking--is my thing.  It's about my only hobby.  And not being able to do those things is frustrating to me.  The fact that I can go to a store and buy a bag of sauerkraut is not the point.  The food is not the point.  Me getting to do something that I want to do--something that makes me feel like me-- is the point.

So when we came home from our excursion on Friday with one enormous red cabbage and one enormous green cabbage after a stop at a farm, I thought, "Hey, I could make sauerkraut.  And German red cabbage."

I could!  There would be a time before those cabbages rotted when I would be able to shred the hell out of them and ferment the shreds!  Glory be!

So I did.  And it was good.