You know one thing about winter I could definitely do without? Ice. I HATE ICE. It's worse than snow, worse than cold*, worse than mud. Well, okay, it might be tied with mud for The Worst, but at least I don't slip and totally eat it in the mud (usually).
Obviously, this little bitch-fest has its origin in an actual event. Yesterday I slipped on some of the UNAVOIDABLE BECAUSE IT'S EVERYWHERE ice. On the driveway, specifically. And I went down hard on my knee. Then I leaped up as quickly as possible, despite the searing pain in my kneecap, because the dogs were out with me and saw me go down. You'd THINK, being collies like Lassie, they would be sensitive to pain and suffering. You'd THINK they would stand by with great concern, waiting to lend a fuzzy back for support when I was ready to stand up again.
You'd think wrong.
What they actually do when anyone falls down is assume the fallen human is trying to play. So they jump all over the fallen person, oblivious to any additional pain they might be causing, because human! At our level! YAY!
That's why I got right back up. Then I hobbled around for a couple of minutes, moaning and gasping and cussing like a truck driver. It wasn't pretty. And there was no one around to sympathize with me, because those useless dogs just kept racing around like morons, tugging at their stuffed Odie toy and completely ignoring the possibly-crippled-for-life-but-what-do-THEY-care person in their midst. I still managed to gimp my way down the rest of the (ICY) driveway to get the mail, which was my original reason for traversing the (ICY) driveway in the first place. Because I'm a HERO, dammit. (Also, just a wee bit dramatic, but you already knew that.)
And yes, my knee still hurts like a bitch. You may commiserate with me now.
* Speaking of cold, it is currently 28 degrees in the north bedroom. I just thought you would find that interesting. Excuse me now while I weep frozen tears, because spring is NEVER GOING TO COME.
Hang on, Kristin! It's supposed to be maybe 40 degrees here tomorrow, so that'll work its way out to you in a couple of days.
ReplyDeleteAnd spring had damn well better come, or else what are you gonna do with all those seeds you just ordered?
LMAO I had to laugh out loud at this. Not at your knee, but the dogs. HAHA! My German Shepherd does the same thing when you fall. Thanks for the chuckle and I hope your knee feels better soon! I've had two knee surgeries and four injuries and they SUCK.
ReplyDeleteI totally wiped out outside the metro last week. My feet went out from under me, and my shoes flew off my feet. Fortunately two people were nice enought to help me up and collect my shoes. It was mortifying, but a little funny at the same time. I'm sure that I were watching me, I would laugh.
ReplyDeletePut your knee up against the wall. Ice will prevent swelling.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should ice your knee :) My dog would do the same thing.
ReplyDeleteMr Chiots wiped out on the ice outside the other day. It's always so much better when someone else is around to laugh with.
sorry about you knee but spring is coming! i took a walk yesterday and a dogwood tree was starting to bloom and so were the cherry trees!
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel anybetter on my way home at 4o'clock (aka rush hour) I was leaving the LRT ( light rail train) and fell up the escalator. Thats right I fell UP the escalator, in rush hour and got the biggest bruise ever on my shin.
ReplyDeleteSo I feel your pain . I do
Sorry 'bout your knee, Kristin. Ice and snow suck. Guess we're all just going to have to huddle in and wait for spring to come...
ReplyDeleteAnd my dogs have always been the same way. Any time you're hands-and-knees or lower, you're fair game.
IT'S 62 DEGREES AND SUNNY IN MAYBERRY TODAY!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. That's so mean. But last week it was 9 degrees and icy so I have to torment.
And, yes, ice sucks. But I have to tell you this freakin' whiplash weather (9 degrees and icy to 62 degrees and sunny in the span of 7 days) is more than a tad annoying.
I know this won't make you feel better, because there is no ice here, but it hasn't cracked 50 degrees here in Florida today, which would be no big deal except that we are staying in a house with no heat, no insulation, no basement, only a little feeble space heater in one room. I am typing this while wearing a warm camisole, long sleeved teeshirt, sweater, scarf, and wool winter jacket, and that's just the top part! Anyway...I know I won't get suffering credits, but, oh gee, here is the best part! The shower is out in the garage, right next to a screened door! The only way to get warm is to go to a public place, and even then, it has to be checked-out as many of them have no heat either. I miss my woodstove. I miss my soft warm bathrobe. But I don't yet miss the blessing of ice. Mikey, friend of the MiL
ReplyDeleteI hope there was something good in the mail.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't go into that bedroom. The devil must be in there for it to be so cold.
Your dogs slay me.
And wouldnt you be ticked off If all you found in the mail box was a bill!The only ice we have here is in the freezer,that needs defrosting.Southern states of Australia are battling heat waves and bush fires,many homes lost,while 3/4 of my state,Queensland,are in flood.Hope it warms up soon :0)
ReplyDelete>Put your knee up against the >wall. Ice will prevent swelling.
ReplyDeleteOMG, Susan, ROFLMAO!
>Be thankful there wasn't a cat >there to rub his butt in your >face.
Oh yea, Meadowlark, isn't that always the way? Ugh!
They said it already, Kristen. All I can add is, "Ouch!" And yes, what a hero.
Please don't cry...your face will freeze!
ReplyDeleteMy parent's dog used to do this when I was a child - one big reason I never want a large dog. At least if it's the size of a shoebox it won't trample me to death when my clumsy ass falls down.
ReplyDeleteIce is the worst. Long ago I wiped put on ice and hit my head hard enough to get knocked out. I came to almost 4 hours later, and initially thought I was having a heart attack because of the crushing weight on my chest. It was my hero of a dog. My insulated coveralls were mostly frozen down, and after freeing one arm enough to work the zipper down I wiggled out of them and we adjourned to the house for the rest of the day. It was 4 degrees F for a high that day. My dog, my savior.
ReplyDelete