Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Too Crazy Even for Me

Now look. You all know I love tomatoes. That has been well-documented. I plant the seeds and I always end up with too many seedlings. This means I always end up planting too many plants, which means I end up with FAR too many tomatoes to harvest every day, which means I spend at least two months every summer canning every single day without a break.

You see how this works, right? Too many seeds means too many plants means too many tomatoes means too much damn work in the kitchen means levels of insanity that result in the inappropriate use of Tom Petty songs as tomato anthems.

So did you see the inevitable outcome when I publicly admitted I planted too many tomato seeds a week ago?

Sure, I may have made some noise about old seeds and less germination, but we all knew that wasn't going to happen, right? We all knew that every last one of those damn seeds would germinate and I would end up with 100 tomato plants in training, right?

Well, maybe you knew that, but truthfully, I did not see 100 germinated seeds in my future. I mean, it didn't look like that many seeds when I sprinkled them in their little pots. But as of this morning, I have exactly 100 germinated seeds. I only need 12 plants to actually put in the ground come May (I always buy 12 plants of paste varieties from a nursery, for a total of 24 plants).

So, as of this moment, I could have almost a 90% death rate between now and May and still be JUST FINE when it comes time for planting. That is . . . crazy. Like, levels of Tomato Crazy heretofore unreached even by me.

So if you know me in real life and need some tomato plants? I AM YOUR WOMAN. Also, I may end up selling these on the side of the road. If I can't bring myself to just euthanize some of these tiny plants so that I don't have to transplant and find pots and space for a hundred tomato seedlings. That would be the smart and easy thing to do. But since I am, quite obviously, not just crazy but totally TOMATO INSANE, maybe I should just give in to the insanity and become a one-woman, inadvertent tomato nursery.

This may be the year A. has me committed to a treatment center for garden-related disorders.
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10 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 12, 2011 at 5:05 AM

    Just put them out at the roadside with a free sign and trust me they will disappear.

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  2. SherryApril 12, 2011 at 6:08 AM

    Trust me, you will find MANY willing people to take these off your hands! I wish you lived closer to Rochester, I'd be one of those people! I wish I had your energy and skill in gardening. I'm insanely jealous of you come harvest time.

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  3. Domestic DilettanteApril 12, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    Oh how I wish I could turn Mr. Mom tomato crazy like you. I wouldn't do any of the work, of course, but I would revel in his. And in the eating of the tomatoes. Right now, he can't stop talking about cows. He wants two. I bet you any damn thing we get cows before we get a garden.

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  4. Drew @ Willpower Is For Fat PeopleApril 12, 2011 at 6:56 AM

    If you want to sell them you don't need pots. Just save toilet paper and paper-towel tubes for a couple of weeks. Cut them into two-inch lengths and arrange them in an empty flat. Presto: cheap, sellable seedling pots.


    Word verification: tarti -- a less-sweet variety of tomato

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  5. RaeApril 12, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    Could always craigslist them. Don't know if you're too far out of the way to do so (I am). Who knows, you may even make a new gardening friend. I wish I had someone to start tomatoes for me... I still need to start mine. :)

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  6. Phoo-DApril 12, 2011 at 8:13 AM

    Good lord woman, you are insane! 100 tomato plants is too much even for a gardening superhero like you. It is time to find your inner Edward Scissor Hands and eliminate the weaklings!

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  7. DaisyApril 12, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    I wish I lived closer to you! I'd take a few of those seedlings off your hands.

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  8. Lindsey at NW Backyard VeggiesApril 12, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    Oh, my god.
    That is hysterical.
    I did the exact same thing.
    I have room for approximately 15 plants. Maybe, if I was stretching it. And I have somehow wound up with about 30. And I have seeds left over. Bah.
    I will be with you in the sweltering kitchen come July and August canning everything known to man, including tomatoes.
    I also curse the seed catalogs. They know EXACTLY what they're doing with their glossy pics and yummy captions.

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  9. FinnyKnitsApril 12, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Can you swap them with your nursery for the paste tomato seedlings you buy? Barter?

    I look forward to the tomato insanity. One of these years I bet you and I will join forces against your tomato glut.

    For now, the jars from the winter stock are emptying and restocking the shelves in the garage, so soon I'll have to fill them back up again.

    *sigh*

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  10. KariApril 12, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    Only 100? Pfft. ;)

    In my experience, if you want 12 tomato plants and plant 12 seeds, none of them will grow. If you plant 24 seeds, 2 of them will grow. If you go crazy and start 5 each of 28 varieties, every single seed will turn into a giant, healthy plant. I know this because I've squeezed 41 tomato plants into my garden so far and have given away about 60 plants and still have a handful languishing in the pot ghetto.

    Next year. Next year I will exercise some restraint. :D

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