Friday, May 23, 2008

Was I Adopted?

A recent conversation with my mother included the news that the annual Firecracker Triathlon*, held every year in JULY, in TUCSON, ARIZONA, for CRAZY PEOPLE LIKE MY FAMILY WHO WANT TO FRY THEIR BRAINS, has been canceled this year due to construction on the course. And both my mother and my brother were disappointed. Disappointed that they would not be courting heat stroke by swimming, cycling, and running a triathlon course in JULY, in TUCSON, ARIZONA. How can I be related to these people?

Okay, so maybe in my younger days I was very sporty and active. I did the Iron Kid triathlon when I was 7 years old and we were living in Hawaii. And I played a lot of sports, to the point of doing both track and soccer at the same time, meaning two practices a day, back to back. And then I burned out. I guess I peaked early.

Since quitting soccer in high school, I have been not so inclined to do anything involving running. Or anything sports-related, for that matter. This is why I was the only child not to participate in the annual Tour de Tucson bicycle race with my dad. Know how long the Tour de Tucson is? 111 miles. And no, there is not supposed to be a decimal in there somewhere. I don't even like to drive 111 miles, forget pedaling a bike that distance. My father was very disappointed in me.

But did you know country people don't really exercise? Not the kind of exercise that requires skintight shorts and a helmet, anyway. I don't think anyone within a hundred mile radius of my current home has ever participated in a triathlon. I don't even know where the closest triathlon is. It's awesome. It's like I've found my place in the world. A place where it would never occur to anyone to swim across the lake when they could sit on the beach, to ride a bicycle when there are perfectly good pick-up trucks, or to run when they could drive. A place with people just like me.

Yeah, I blend (MOVIE QUOTE ALERT). Until I start laughing uncontrollably at the tractor pull and everyone stares at me because no one else sees anything funny about drinking beer at 10 a.m. and watching men in overalls manipulate heavy machinery. I have some assimilating to do yet, but the no exercise thing? I got that one down.

* My dictionary tells me there is no second "a" in "triathlon." This looks so, so wrong. It bugs me. It should be "triathalon." But it's not. Just thought you should know.


The Constant C said...

Well, I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that there at least used to be a triathlon (yes,there should be another "a") up the road in Union Springs, and it may, in fact, still exist. There's also "The Great Race" in Auburn.

The good news is that you may yet be correct in the assumption that no one who lives within 100 miles participates. All those people *might* be imported for our own befuddled amusement.

Seriously, exercisers, sit down and have some beer. If you have to play a sport, I recommend soccer, which can be played with beer in hand. Unlike, say, volleyball, which is the dumbest sport I've ever encountered. (Sorry volleyball players...)

mil said...

I'm thinking that I should look into that athl root. Greek, obviously. The suffixes we all know are -ete and -on. Lots of prefixes of course (hey, Kristin, don't worry about the tri--think of the hex and dec!). I wonder if there are any other suffixes. I'll be able to brood about that all day for my exercise, or maybe I'll inquire of my classically oriented friends.

Anonymous said...

I used to force myself to run in high school because my best friend was a runner, and I was determined to make myself love it like she did. FOUR YEARS of that bullshit, and it never worked. I still hate it. But I have accepted the hate, and just think that people who love to run are misogynists. With really nice legs.

Kristin said...

I was not aware of a triathlon in Auburn until a REAL native of the area mentioned it, so I looked it up. The Great Race is actually only a team triathlon, meaning three people on a team do individual events, not one person doing three events. And the Auburn one doesn't have a swimming leg, instead it has kayaking or canoeing. And also, it's in Auburn, not TUCSON, ARIZONA, where it's 120 DEGREES IN JULY. So The Great Race seems much more sensible and less likely to result in a totally vegetative state.

SaraPMcC said...

111 miles in that heat (or anywhere) is just ridiculous. And inhumane. Pass the beer.

The Constant C said...

And actually, it occurs to me now that it may have only been a Biahtlon in Union Springs (I passed out water to the runners as a Jr. Granger).

I guess we really ARE lazy.(But I must admit, I'd rather run in dry 120 degrees than rainy 40 degrees....)

Kristin said...

I should clarify: I don't think country people are lazy, I think sports just aren't a part of the lifestyle. They're not important. This is probably due to the fact that when everyone around here was farming, they were too damn tired from actual WORK to go for a jog after milking the cows.

The Barber Bunch said...

I will take country living over a triathlon ANY day!