Saturday, April 11, 2009
(The rooster execution we have scheduled today isn't very amusing, can't talk about that . . . The septic system dye test we're having this morning does not lend itself to witticisms. God, I hope we pass it . . . Probably no one cares that I gotta find and fix the hole in the pasture fence this morning so the dogs will stay put at night instead of sneaking out like wayward teenagers . . . There's always the Saturday dump run, except I've already covered that . . . A. is going to finish the evil gate that claimed my thumb as a sacrifice last Saturday and then finish fencing in the hollow so the sheep can eat the bamboo shoots this spring and maybe foil the bamboo's dastardly plan of taking over the whole goddamn world, but that's not very entertaining, unless HIS thumb explodes, too . . . Damn. I got nothin'.)
I'm sorry, but I appear to have nothing at all interesting to talk about. What a boring life I lead. I'll try to do better tomorrow.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Sweetness and Light
And I don't have any.
Trust me, I'm not complaining. I mean, who wants some jerk-off making cruel comments on a site that is, essentially, all about me?
But I have some theories about why no one has ever actively criticized me in my comments. (Besides the fact that this site isn't popular enough. PSHAW.) Of course. Because I like to analyze and over-think EVERYTHING.
1) I'm too scary. More than once, I have been called intimidating. In real life, I mean. Does this come across on this site? Do I seem like the sort of person who would beat your ass into the ground if you dared disagree with me? If so, good. I'm doing something right.
JUST KIDDING. I'm actually a highly non-confrontational person in real life. Most of the time. But then, I'm always right, so why would anyone disagree with me? (JUST KIDDING AGAIN.)
2) A. is too scary. This is actually closer to the truth. He's protective. And he's big. Not that size makes a difference online, but he is ALSO a lawyer and a freakishly articulate person, so if he wanted to kick your ass verbally, he would have no trouble. Nor any hesitation. I like to use him as a threat to anyone who dares contradict me, because you contradict ME, you contradict HIM.
Except he contradicts me all the time, so I don't know how that fits in.
3) I don't invite confrontation. This is true. Though I've actually been surprised that no one has tried to start a fight about docking lamb tails or electrocuting dogs with luncheon meat. PETA, where are you? I suppose it's clear that while we do these things, we are not cruel people and we treat our animals very, very well. Still, if anyone would like to start a fight? BRING IT.
4) People online are actually really, really nice. I'm going with this one. A lot of people read this site, thousands since I started it, and not one negative comment among those thousands.
I love you guys. Thanks for being so nice to me. GROUP HUG!!
And I'm out.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
LAAAAMBS!!! (That's not getting old is it? NAH.)
These are the last lambs of the season, two girls born to Bonnie. Bonnie was moping around all day yesterday, looking like she was going to give birth from the morning on, but still no lambs when we went to bed. By the time we got up, however, there they were, stumbling around. A. did have to assist a bit in this one, just because the milk plugs in her teats, that the lambs usually pull out when they start nursing, were being stubborn and the lambs hadn't been able to nurse yet. He had to milk her pretty hard until the milk started coming. But now all is well in the sheep's world. The grass is getting green, the sun is shining, all the lambs have been safely delivered, and the shepherd delivers a daily ration of feed. What more could a sheep want?
So, in sum, we have had five lambs (three girls and two boys) and six puppies.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. Could you? I mean, really. LOOK AT THOSE FACES.
The garden has been started, the flowers are blooming, the snow has melted. I think it's spring.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
First, A. released the sheep to graze on the greener grass they were SURE was on the other side of the fence.
Then they discovered that it IS greener on the other side. And there are peonies!
And then the MiL emancipated the puppies for an evening puppy walk. Which may be the most adorable sight on the PLANET and would surely melt the heart of even a hardened criminal.
Puppy therapy: Cheaper than drugs!
And then I made them lock all the babies back up again, because I am cruel and hard and wanted to eat my sausage and potatoes. The end.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Living as a Slightly-Less-Evolved Being
I WOULD bet my own money that this is the cutest thing you will see all day. Maybe all WEEK.
Monday, April 6, 2009
A Bloody Story Laced with Profanity
Just call me Dr. Kristin.