The Weird Mom

I think I'm getting a reputation at the preschool.

Every Thursday, each child brings in a piece of fruit and then they all help cut it up to make fruit salad for their snack. Last Thursday, Cubby brought Concord grapes from our vines and two of the MILLIONS HOLY LORD of pears from our pear trees. I explained to one of the teachers that the Concord grapes have seeds, so they might not be universally popular with the kids. And then I left a bag of pears for each of the teachers.

When I went back to pick Cubby up that day, I was presented with an ENORMOUS container of leftover fruit salad to take home. Seriously. It was at least a gallon. The teacher explained, "We tried to think of someone who would be able to use it all up."

Right. It's in my freezer now, awaiting blending for five thousand fruit shakes.

Today there was a sign requesting that anyone who could contribute bring in various needed items. One of the items was yogurt. Since I just made some two days ago, I currently have five quarts of yogurt in my refrigerator. I asked the teacher if homemade would be okay. " Yes!" she said. "And can you give me your recipe?"

So when I went to pick Cubby up this afternoon, I brought the yogurt along with the instructions on how to make it. On the wall was yet another sign, this one asking if anyone could bring compost home.

Well, hell. We have not one, but two huge compost piles in which we dump shit on a daily basis, so I figured a little more from the school wouldn't make any difference. I told the teacher I could take it home. And then she asked if I could take it every week.

So I am now the Official Compost Lady for the preschool. Along with That Mom who makes her own yogurt and forces fruit onto people.

Oh well. I suppose there are worse things to be known for.

The Arachnid Convention

'Tis the season for every spider in the tri-state area to convene at Blackrock. Come on in! Spin your webs in my house so I can walk into them all unsuspecting and then get that creepy sticky feeling a million times a day!

I'm not joking about the number of spiders in our house. It's a really big, really old house near a lake. We have THOUSANDS of spiders. They're in residence all year long, but this is the time of year they really start appearing everydamnwhere in the house. I reach in to get a bowl in the kitchen cabinet and . . . gah! Wispy creepy spider web feel on my hand! I go in the corner to retrieve a ball for Charlie and . . . GAH! SPIDER WEB IN THE FACE!

Or I go to take a shower and end up sharing my ablutions with no less than four spiders hanging out on the ceiling. No joke; I counted last time.

I suppose I could be more vigilant with the broom, but they'll just come back the next day. And it's not like we have black widows around here. So come on in, spiders! Make yourself at home! It's spider season at Blackrock and they're here to stay.

Advocating for a Liquid Diet

Do humans really need solid foods? Can't we just exist on milkshakes or something? If we don't need solid foods, then we don't need teeth. And with no teeth, there would be no teething babies. And with no teething babies, there would be no screaming in the middle of the night. And no screaming far too early in the morning. And no screaming during naptime. And . . . well, no screaming.

So with no solid foods there would be unlimited milkshakes, uninterrupted sleep, and quiet. Sounds like utopia to me. Sign me up. And sign Charlie up too while you're at it.

Stupid teeth.