Friday, April 10, 2009

Sweetness and Light

Do you know what trolls are? Not the creepy children's toys with the crazy hair, or the mythical kind so popular in Norway, but Internet trolls. Internet trolls appear on blogs and make nasty comments with very little provocation. They're sort of like really mean, hateful online stalkers.

And I don't have any.

Trust me, I'm not complaining. I mean, who wants some jerk-off making cruel comments on a site that is, essentially, all about me?

But I have some theories about why no one has ever actively criticized me in my comments. (Besides the fact that this site isn't popular enough. PSHAW.) Of course. Because I like to analyze and over-think EVERYTHING.

1) I'm too scary. More than once, I have been called intimidating. In real life, I mean. Does this come across on this site? Do I seem like the sort of person who would beat your ass into the ground if you dared disagree with me? If so, good. I'm doing something right.

JUST KIDDING. I'm actually a highly non-confrontational person in real life. Most of the time. But then, I'm always right, so why would anyone disagree with me? (JUST KIDDING AGAIN.)

2) A. is too scary. This is actually closer to the truth. He's protective. And he's big. Not that size makes a difference online, but he is ALSO a lawyer and a freakishly articulate person, so if he wanted to kick your ass verbally, he would have no trouble. Nor any hesitation. I like to use him as a threat to anyone who dares contradict me, because you contradict ME, you contradict HIM.

Except he contradicts me all the time, so I don't know how that fits in.

3) I don't invite confrontation. This is true. Though I've actually been surprised that no one has tried to start a fight about docking lamb tails or electrocuting dogs with luncheon meat. PETA, where are you? I suppose it's clear that while we do these things, we are not cruel people and we treat our animals very, very well. Still, if anyone would like to start a fight? BRING IT.

4) People online are actually really, really nice. I'm going with this one. A lot of people read this site, thousands since I started it, and not one negative comment among those thousands.

I love you guys. Thanks for being so nice to me. GROUP HUG!!

And I'm out.

15 comments:

Phoo-D said...

The "Three Billy Goats Gruff" was my favorite story when I was 5. That being said, I too am glad for no trolls. I agree with you- I think there are just more nice people out there than nasty people. Besides who could get nasty when you have fluffy baby pictures all the time? =)

Mayberry Magpie said...

You know, I agree with your theory. The blogging community is really, really nice. Of course there is always some nastiness that goes along with it, especially the blogs that are super popular, but ours is small and our regular visitors are civilized and for that I, too, am very, very grateful.

I have had one spat of nasty behavior. But it wasn't from a reader from afar. It was from a home-town person, and that's totally predictable.

Here's to happy, troll-free sites like yours!

Sherry said...

I think your blog, as is true of my own blog and the others that I follow, don't attract the type of people that choose to be obnoxious online. These types would rather follow more controversial or even x-rated ones! I can't imagine life without "my blogs"!!! Keep on entertaining us, Kristin.

Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother said...

Have you seen Hook with Robin Williams as an adult Peter Pan? Remember the dinner scene where he finally finds his imagination? "Don't mess with me, man! I'm a lawyer!"

Oh, and if you'd like a troll, I just got a new one today. I could send him over if you'd like.

Susan said...

Okay, now you're just showing off.

Truly, I think the internet peoples are very caring and they look out for one another. So let me know next time A. contradicts you.

Anonymous said...

De-lurking to let you know that I have thouroughly enjoyed getting to read about your life at the farm and all the critters.. Oh yes you, A. and the mil too!

Tina Post said...

A.'s articulateness is one of my very most favorite things about him. Especially when he calls my baby "magnificent." Boo-ya.

K. L. Parish said...

Most people online ARE nice. And even the nice people will turn on and verbally maul someone who is nasty for no apparent reason. So the online community is also pretty self-regulating too.

That being said...electrified salami? Yowch! I assume it's working? :D

Jim said...

I guess I read your Blog because I am interested in the facts of "country" life.
The good, bad and ugly and I expect others are as interested as well.
Besides I like your style.

Jodith said...

Hmmmm....methinks someone is a follower of Darrin Rowse. Nice list post, by the way. I really got a kick out of it.

And that's as close as I can come to be a troll *laughs*. I just like your blog too much to be nasty.

Sweet Bird said...

Count yourself very lucky to be free of trolls (knock on wood).

Sometimes I submit my pictures to Tastespotting.com and there was an individual who, for quite some time, found food bloggers to stalk and harass by looking at that site. I never thought I'd care, I consider myself a fairly thick-skinned person, but he said some very hurtful things. Thank the gods for a comment delete button, eh?

I find it interesting that you use A. as a defense. My husband is also one of those freakishly smart, painfully articulate people. The big difference is that if my husband was in agreement with the person criticizing me he'd be just as likely to throw me under the bus as defend me. Ain't marriage grand?

Btw, love your blog, like you didn't already know that, and if any trolls come a'knockin' I'll be sure to light a fire under their respective asses for you.

rls said...

Yep, between you, A., and all of us, we'll kick any trolls out of here pretty darn fast.

Daisy said...

Maybe the trolls just get mellow at the sight of the cute puppies and lambs!!

I've had some oppositional comments, but none that really attacked me or my family. I, like you, am a more nonconfrontational person. I'm a peacemaker.

krysta said...

i don't have trolls either... and i would have thought some of the stuff i have said would have gotten some nasty comments, like with you and peta.

people call me indimitading all the time which is funny 'cause i don't think i am at all but my husband scares the crap out of everyone so i hide behind him also.

Barry said...

I just changed my blog settings so that I could moderate comments with idiots - I mean trolls - in mind. Whether or not this will help, I don't know.