So far in the Meet the Family series, you have met Mia, Leda, Otty, Pitty Pet, James (RIP), Belle, and Alfie and Buttercup. You have not yet met the birds. Which is really too bad, because if you HAD met them already, maybe you would feel on friendly-enough terms with them to corral them in the MiL's bathroom and stuff them back in their cage.
Perhaps an explanation is required.
We have two lovebirds, named Ella and Benny. Despite the name, lovebirds are NOT loving. In fact, if these two specimens are any indication, they're quite hateful. These birds fight with each other all the time, bite at their own wings until they're bloody, screech constantly, and bite human fingers that get within range. What lovely little pets.
As I'm sure you have gathered, I do not so much like the lovebirds. Which is one reason you have not been introduced to them yet. Also, they spend their summers outside on the front porch and their winters in the MiL's bathroom, so I kind of forget about them. And that's just fine with me.
However. The MiL is gone for a week, leaving the lovebirds in our care. The first day she was gone, A. went in to her bathroom to take a bath and I asked him to give the lovebirds fresh food and water. Which he did. Last night, when I went in there to refresh their supplies, Benny was perched on top of the cage. OUTSIDE of the cage. Nothing was open and I couldn't see where he'd gotten out, leading me to the conclusion that he had escaped when A. was fooling around with the cage the day before. I always like it when I can allocate blame to someone who is NOT ME.
So I called A. upstairs and explained that he needed to get the bird back in the cage. He knows the lovebirds bite. I do, too, which is why I called him up to grab the bird. But he very cleverly sidestepped responsibility by leaving the cage open all night, figuring Benny would go back in to eat at some point. And what, I said, if instead of Benny going IN, Ella comes OUT, and then there are TWO lovebirds at large in the bathroom? He did not answer the question.
You can see where this is headed, can't you?
Sure enough, this morning both birds are out of the cage. The bathroom door is shut, so they can't really go anywhere, but I have to go in there to feed and water them. I'll have to get some gloves on and get those little bastards in their cage one way or the other, because I'll be damned if I'll spend the next week fearing for my eyes whenever I have to go into that bathroom.
I hate birds.
Perhaps an explanation is required.
We have two lovebirds, named Ella and Benny. Despite the name, lovebirds are NOT loving. In fact, if these two specimens are any indication, they're quite hateful. These birds fight with each other all the time, bite at their own wings until they're bloody, screech constantly, and bite human fingers that get within range. What lovely little pets.
As I'm sure you have gathered, I do not so much like the lovebirds. Which is one reason you have not been introduced to them yet. Also, they spend their summers outside on the front porch and their winters in the MiL's bathroom, so I kind of forget about them. And that's just fine with me.
However. The MiL is gone for a week, leaving the lovebirds in our care. The first day she was gone, A. went in to her bathroom to take a bath and I asked him to give the lovebirds fresh food and water. Which he did. Last night, when I went in there to refresh their supplies, Benny was perched on top of the cage. OUTSIDE of the cage. Nothing was open and I couldn't see where he'd gotten out, leading me to the conclusion that he had escaped when A. was fooling around with the cage the day before. I always like it when I can allocate blame to someone who is NOT ME.
So I called A. upstairs and explained that he needed to get the bird back in the cage. He knows the lovebirds bite. I do, too, which is why I called him up to grab the bird. But he very cleverly sidestepped responsibility by leaving the cage open all night, figuring Benny would go back in to eat at some point. And what, I said, if instead of Benny going IN, Ella comes OUT, and then there are TWO lovebirds at large in the bathroom? He did not answer the question.
You can see where this is headed, can't you?
Sure enough, this morning both birds are out of the cage. The bathroom door is shut, so they can't really go anywhere, but I have to go in there to feed and water them. I'll have to get some gloves on and get those little bastards in their cage one way or the other, because I'll be damned if I'll spend the next week fearing for my eyes whenever I have to go into that bathroom.
I hate birds.
Update: Immediately after posting this I donned my gardening gloves and cautiously crept into the bathroom. To find both birds sitting in the cage as if nothing untoward had ever happened, waiting for their food. Once again, I have created drama where there was none. But at least you have now met the birds.
And now we shall never speak of them again.
10 comments:
Dear Lord, wear goggles. Wasn't it a pair of lovebirds that started that whole Hitchcock movie?
I am one of those insane people who loves birds, but I get nervous when they're flying around free indoors, like in the aviary. Too much danger of getting pooped on. And when we lived in NY, I was pooped on by pigeons at least once a year. That shit will RUIN clothes, my friend.
Why were they just sitting back inside their cage? Because they have bird brains. Seriously, there's a reason being a bird brain is a synonym for being dumb. My brother used to have a bird and left me the responsibility of letting her out of her cage one afternoon when I was visiting. The bird whistled and screamed all morning, and when I finally opened the door, she wouldn't leave her cage. Dumb bird. (Also, I thought you were saying that you, too, bite, not that you, too, know that the birds bite. I was nervous for A. for a second there.)
Boy do birds ever grow on you slowly. Trust me, I know this. And if they sense the tiniest drop of uncertainty, they punish you for it. You must be bold with birds.
We had a really cool Sun Conure that was potty trained (yes, he pooped in the toilet). But he died an unexplained, premature death, and now we only have a screeching Cockatiel that I hate and that lives in the basement in the winter and on the porch in the spring and summer. Not sure why the good bird dies and bad bird lives.
Hey, I'm weird for noticing stuff like this, but cool wallpaper in the MiL's bathroom! P.S. And thanks for commiserating with me!
Sara: Yeah, that was poor grammar. However, it's funnier if read the way it's written (though that's not what I intended), so I'm going to leave it that way. Because you never know--I COULD bite.
I had a pair of love birds (they looked different than yours though) growing up in Colombia. They looking like teeny tiny parrots. After a while one died and the other died of sadness (at least that's what I told myself). They didn't fight or anything though, they spent their days snuggled up together on their perhes.
I don't think I could handle pet birds now though. I would like a house rabbit though.
I think you probably would bite, especially if A. leaves the cage open again.
ROFL...I can just picture you sneeking into the bathroom prepared to do battle and having the little guys just sitting there lookins at you like you had lost your mind! I too hate birds, well except chickens, and ducks, and geese. Wait I guess I don't haite birds, just the ones for decoration, farm birds that earn their keep by laying eggs and eating slugs are ok in my book! Anyhow, very funny post! Kim
Lovebirds! PTUI! We shall speak of them no more!
(for anyone who saw that ANGEL episode. Which was hilarious. Meta: I'm actually LOLing right now. Meta meta: my geekiness is breathtaking.)
hey there, tippi! at least they didn't KILL you.
Post a Comment