One of the biggest challenges to this relocation for me has been the fact that for much of the week, I'm alone with the kids here while A. goes back to Blackrock to work on closing out his work in that county. He's gone for three or four days (and nights) during the work week and, as I know you will have guessed, this sucks an awful lot.
It's not so much that I'm the sole caretaker for them, it's more that they look to me for entertainment and, well, I just don't do that as well as A. does. This is mostly a problem for Cubby, of course, because he's the oldest and the most enthused about the things that A. does with them. Things like fishing or exploring or helping them build forts. I'm not likely to do these things even if I didn't have a 20-month-old child to haul around, but I'm definitely not going to do them while hauling said child.
A. leaves Jack behind with me when he takes Cubby and Charlie out for adventure. I don't have that luxury, and so I am the Worst Mom Ever.
Cubby spends a lot of time mad at me because I won't take him somewhere. Charlie spends a lot of time mad at me because, well, because he's Charlie. Jack doesn't spend too much time mad at me, because he's still a little young for that, but he is in an unfortunate throwing and hitting phase, as well as a waking-up-screaming-from-naps phase.
Someone is always screaming or crying. Sometimes it's me.
All this to say that I feel a little stressed out pretty much all the time and I feel like I should be doing something to make this easier, but I really don't know what.
I take them somewhere almost every day--the pool or the playground or the library--which sometimes seems more trouble than it's worth, what with Jack's frequent need to sleep, Charlie's frequent meltdowns, and Cubby's frequent sulking because wherever we go isn't as fun as fishing with Daddy.
And then we get home and everyone's hungry and I have to make something for dinner with three kids screaming and crying and throwing things down the stairs and WOW, DID I MENTION THIS SUCKS AN AWFUL LOT?
I really do not think this is going to rank right up there as a fond time in my memory. I feel like I'm somehow failing, but then I remember that I'm still making yogurt and bread, doing laundry, sweeping the floor multiple times a day, reading hundreds of pages of books over and over and OVER (another phase Jack is in, which is at least significantly less destructive than pounding on the walls with wooden toys), walking to the neighbor's house to feed the chickens, taking everyone to run on the nearby dirt road, stopping for ice cream sometimes, and in general doing the best I can.
It's enough.
Sure will be glad when this transition is over, though.
That's all.
7 comments:
When does Cubby start school--surely that will help soon? My sympathy to you! Mary in MN
Mary: Not until the Tuesday after Labor Day, which seems amazingly late. But yes, I hope it will help.
Any chance you can find a daycare in a nearby village? The kids could go there for a couple of afternoons each week--giving you a break and giving them new things to experience.
Or a "babysitter" (maybe a high schooler who aspires to being an elementary teacher?) to come to your house a couple of afternoons a week and play with the kids? Same thing--gives you a break and them something new. You don't have to leave. Just turn things over to the sitter for a couple of hours.
The situation sounds very challenging. You are having good ideas and great activities--but they all still require you at the helm
Just about the worst case scenario for you. The kids have no problem railing on mom since you're the only one around. Of course, when they did that before, you could just shoo them outside and have a bit of non in-your-face time.
Nothing to say but, if possible, some face time with Tucson might provide a bit of a break. Even 10 minutes is something.
Kristin, it is enough! Your boys are so lucky to have such a patient mom who cares so much about their happiness. I'm always so impressed by your indomitable take on life. I am sorry to hear that things are getting you down. With a 10 month old son of my own, I'm only starting to learn about the relentless energy of little boys. I aspire to be like you, able to embrace my son's interests even when I don't share them and able to find the humor in life. Hang in there -- only one more week until Labor Day. You're doing a great job! - Caitlin, a long time reader and general blog lurker
i'm about 20 days late in my rss feed, so i'm sure things are better now, but i laughed at your words and cried a little at your misery.
you are doing the mom thing right, i'm pretty sure.
good luck and all that.
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