Earplugs Are the New Bad Pennies

A. has always had a problem keeping track of his earplugs. He uses earplugs a lot, for mowing, chainsaw work, log splitting, and all the other tasks he does that require extremely loud machines.

Earplugs are pretty small and easy to lose, but the main issue was that he never put them away when he was done with them. Instead he would stick them in his pocket, where they would stay until I washed his clothes. Then I would find them in the washing machine* and throw them in a bowl on top of the dryer.

So if he needed earplugs, he would generally look there. But they weren't always there, and then there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth and demands for help locating the earplugs.

It was way fun.

Then one day he went to Home Depot and came home with a package of 80 bright-orange earplugs. Problem solved!

Except . . .

The new problem this has created is that the children are extremely enthused about large quantities of small items. They pilfered at least a few dozen of the earplugs before I stashed them high up where the little monkeys couldn't get to them. And those few dozen turn up EVERYWHERE.

They've been tied to lengths of string, jammed into holes in boxes, taped to various action figures, stuffed into the cockpits of Star Wars ships, and generally scattered hither and yon until I can't go anywhere without seeing a spot of bright-orange and finding an earplug.

This morning when I was picking up the playroom in preparation for vacuuming, I found no less than eight. When I went out to put them in their hiding place in the barn, I found two more in the grass and one in an empty water bottle. There is one sitting just under the edge of the couch right now, mocking me.

I'm maybe beginning to get a little paranoid that the earplugs can move at will and are stalking me.

Eventually I will find them all and hide them away where the small monkey-children can't find them.

Or will I? DUN DUN DUN.

* I don't usually check his pockets before I do laundry, mostly because he's a grown man and I feel I shouldn't have to, but also because his pockets are FILTHY and I am loathe to stick my hands in them. This does occasionally result in me washing things like his wallet and one time, his cell phone. Amazingly, the cell phone was still functional after that, and everything in the wallet dried out just fine.