Why I Will Never Write a Cookbook

I cannot for the life of me provide clear, detailed instructions necessary for another person to replicate what I cook. And that is because I am not a very good follower of recipes, and I very rarely make anything the same way twice.

It's a failing I've learned to live with.

However! Let it never be said that I do not respond to cries for help when it comes to salsa-making! Someone* asked for my salsa recipe a couple of days ago. More than one person in the past has also asked for my salsa recipe. I, in turn, asked the MiL's sister (she of the prolific green beans) for HER salsa recipe when I started canning it a few years ago. And, being a woman after my own heart, she told me she never uses a recipe. But she did tell me what she uses in it and the rough method. I can do no less for my loyal (though annoyingly Anonymous) readers.

So, without further ado, I present:

Kristin's Salsa Method that Is Not a Recipe

I must first state that this salsa is only safe for pressure canning. If you only can with a hot water bath canner, you can't can this salsa. It isn't acidic enough. In fact, salsa was the reason we got a pressure canner; I find the salsa recipes suitable for water bath canning disgustingly vinegary. I like vinegar, but I don't think it should be the main ingredient in salsa.

ANYWAY. Moving on . . .

After some experimentation, I have determined that it is useless to use anything but paste tomatoes to make salsa. That's because other varieties of tomatoes have too much juice and take too long to reduce to a pleasing salsa consistency, leading to overcooked salsa. So, my recommendation: stock up on paste tomatoes before you make salsa.

Step One: Prepping the tomatoes.

This is best done with all like tasks done together. It goes faster that way. So, for example, first you wash all the tomatoes. Then you cut off the stem end and slice them in half. Then you strip all the seeds out of the center. Then you cut them into about half-inch chunks. The size is not all that important, since they'll break down in cooking. Chuck 'em right into a pot.

I don't bother peeling. Some people do. Those people are much more patient than I. If you DO want to peel them, drop the tomatoes in boiling water for a minute or so, then in cold water. The skins will come right off.

A couple of tips for faster--and therefore less rage-inducing--prepping: Make sure your knife is really sharp. There are few things more annoying (and dangerous) to cut with an even slightly dull knife than tomatoes. Also, keep a big bowl in back of the cutting board to dump all the seeds and tomato tops into. Saves you moving to the sink all the time to dump the refuse.

I fill my eight-quart pot all the way to the top with tomatoes. This uses about 40 pounds of tomatoes and makes about 12 pints of salsa. When the tomatoes cook down some, there will be room in the pot for the rest of the ingredients. So now you can put the pot on medium-high heat to start cooking the tomatoes. Stir it every once in awhile while you chop everything else. Which leads us to . . .

Step Two: Prepping everything else.

Dice a couple of big onions and throw them in. I don't like huge chunks of onion so I cut them fairly small, but do whatever works for you. Then dice a couple of green bell peppers and add them to the pot. Next up, four or five large cloves of minced garlic go in. Then a few minced jalapenos. This, of course, is totally dependent on how hot your peppers are and how hot you like your salsa. You'll have to experiment a little. Then a couple of tablespoons of cumin, quite a bit of salt that I never measure so just add a little and taste to see if it needs more, and a splash or two of plain old white vinegar. A couple of tablespoons maybe. Many people love cilantro and add it. I do not love cilantro and never add it. But you could add some chopped cilantro if you want.

Step Three: Cooking.

Cook. That's about all there is to say about that. You just let it all simmer over medium heat for a half hour or so, until it's the consistency you want. Stir it so it doesn't stick on the bottom, but really, how much instruction do you need on how to simmer something?

After it's as thick as you like, taste it again to see if it needs more salt or vinegar. Or whatever. Sometimes, if my jalapenos aren't very hot, I'll add bottled hot sauce.

And there you have it! Your very own salsa that you can make into your very own personalized recipe. I'm all about personal empowerment. That's really why I don't give exact amounts for anything.

Okay, okay--I'm really just too lazy to measure anything, but I think personal empowerment sounds better.

* Someone who insists on remaining Anonymous, despite the fact that I can tell this particular Anonymous is a fairly regular commenter. What's up with that, Anonymous? Out yourself already!