Friday, March 4, 2011

Coming Soon to Network Television!

Okay, not really, but I could totally have shot the pilot for a new cooking show last night. We'll call it "Kristin's Kitchen," because I am original.

Shall we?

The show opens with me wrestling around on the floor with Cubby. As soon as A. descends from his office, I run for the kitchen, because it's already 5:20 and dinner had BETTER BE on the table by six or there is no chance for eating of said dinner before Cubby's bath and bedtime routine.

First up, brown ground lamb, keeping up a bright monologue--as television cooking show hosts do--about how this particular lamb was an uncastrated male that grew to, um, maturity a little faster than we expected, which meant the flavor of that meat is a little on the, ahem, strong side. Which is why I get rid of as much of the fat as possible and use really heavy spices when I cook with it. Which is why we're using curry powder tonight. But not yet!

First I must demonstrate draining the browned lamb (to get rid of the rank fat, you see), then putting it back in the pan with diced onion and garlic to cook away for awhile. Perhaps there will also be some discussion about being a little more careful when digging up said garlic so there aren't so many shovel gashes in so many of the heads.

Next up, I will merrily fling in some sweet (as opposed to burn-your-face-off hot, I guess) curry powder in the pan, along with some garam masala, blithely explaining that it's all to taste! And also, I never measure because I am too feckless, but that might not make it on camera. Then I will dump in some tomatoes, perhaps with a joking reference to The Tomato Crazy and how it sure does come in handy right about now! And then I will add some salt.

There will also be brief guest appearances by Cubby and his wrangler as Cubby wanders into the kitchen to play with the bottles on the liquor cabinet/stretch for the knobs on the stove/dump over the dogs' water dish while A. is making himself a drink.

Now, as the lamb simmers away, I will demonstrate how to make yogurt sauce. This involves crushing a clove of garlic into a ramekin, adding yogurt to fill, then a little lemon juice and salt. Stir. At this point, I might make some sparkling conversation about how easy it is to make your own yogurt and never settle for storebought again!

Unless I'm being sponsored by Dannon, in which case I will recommend Dannon products. Obviously.

And now for a special guest chef! Let's all welcome the MiL, who will demonstrate how to make chickpea crepes. They involve a batter of chickpea flour (what? don't YOU have chickpea flour sitting around?), grated shallots, ginger, garam masala, water, and I think some oil. There may be other stuff in there, but I didn't make them, so this segment is all the MiL.

Anyway, while she demonstrates the making of the crepes, I will be violently shaking a jar of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, which is my preferred method of making salad dressing and also a wonderful stress reliever.

Now comes the closing scene, in which we all sit around rolling up the ground lamb in our crepes, topping with the yogurt sauce, and eating with either our hands if we're primitive (A. and Cubby) or forks if we're civilized (the MiL and I). This scene will be necessarily cut short, as Cubby will take about six bites and then make his bid for freedom by launching himself violently backwards in his booster seat in an attempt to knock his chair down because EATING IS BORING, MOM.

And that, duckies, is how the cooking goes down in Kristin's Kitchen. I think we've got a hit show on our hands, don't you?


Anonymous said...

A real life cooking show ! I think you DO have a hit there. And you have already written up the 'pitch' for it. Now for footage and you can go to the producers. YES. Beth

word verification-auleg

part of au lamb

Anonymous said...

Wait though who needs footage....I saw it all in the description. Beth

Sorry, if all my thought came to me at one time...I wouldn't need to comment twice. Must get my mind more organized.

Daisy said...

With costar Cubby, it will be a winner!

sheila said...

Gotta love short baby attention span. Reminds me of the movie, Christmas Story, where the narrator says the mom hasn't had a hot meal in 10 years. She is so busy being waiter for the family there is no time for her to eat.

FinnyKnits said...

Add some swears and a chef's cocktail and I'm there.

Alicia said...

I'd watch! But of course, I read the blog, which is like the book of the TV show. LOL.

On the primitive side, tonight at dinner, I was cutting a piece of chicken from the bone, got frustrated and just said "screw it" and used my hands.

In fact, this happens a lot more often than I'd like to admit.

Ground lamb? Taste any different than ground beef?

Kristin @ Going Country said...

Alicia: Yes. It tastes like, well, lamb. More gamy than beef, kind of.

Summersweet Farm said...

HA HA HA HA This sounds exactly like our dinner routine! Except maybe I'd add some more kid-wrangling in there, involving a child just big enough to drag a chair over to the counter, climb up on it, and "help" dump all the ingredients on the floor! :D