Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Microwave Is No Place for Popcorn

Seriously. If you eat microwave popcorn, do yourself a favor and stop. Because popcorn made on the stove is WOAH, SO MUCH BETTER. Also cheaper, unlikely to give you third-degree burns from escaping steam, and totally free of that scary chemical that gives people a condition actually called "popcorn lung." Really. That's just not right.

Plus, it takes about the same amount of time to make popcorn on the stove as it does to nuke a bag full of carcinogens. So really, there is NO REASON to eat microwave popcorn.

Maybe you're saying, "But I don't know how to make it on the stove. It's too confusing."

To which I say, "No, it's not." And I am now going to tell you how to make it on the stove, so you no longer have any excuses.

First you have to get your popcorn. It's in the aisle at the grocery store where all that evil microwave popcorn lives. You can get fancy popcorn other places, from special heirloom varieties grown organically, down with GMOs and Monsanto, etc. You probably should do that if you can, but failing that, just buy a bag of popcorn at the grocery store. There are even store brands, and I can vouch that they are just fine. The bag will have instructions for how to make the popcorn right on it, but I will still continue with MY instructions, because this wouldn't be much of a tutorial otherwise, now would it?

Okay! Now you have your popcorn. So you need a pot. Any heavy kind of pot will do. The size depends on how much popcorn you want. If you're making it just for yourself (which I do with some frequency), use a smaller pot--like a two-quart size. If you're making it for more people or you just like to eat a LOT of popcorn by yourself--and I will not judge you if that is the case--use a big pot. However big the pot is, that's how much popcorn you'll end up with.

Once your pot size is determined, put the pot on the stove and add a little oil. Canola, peanut, vegetable, non-coconutty flavored coconut . . . whatever, as long as it doesn't have a flavor of its own (known to smart people as "neutral" oils--look! you're smart now!) and can be heated to a high temperature without smoking and getting gross (known as having a high smoke point). I don't measure the oil. You really just need enough to just coat the bottom of the pot.

Turn your burner to high and add the popcorn. I don't measure this either, I just add enough popcorn to make a single layer on the bottom of the pot. Now you need to put a cover on the pot. You can just use the lid that goes with the pot, but you'll have to hold it there a little ajar to let steam escape or you'll get tough popcorn. And a few kernels will find their way through the little gap. My preferred cover is actually either a mesh strainer (like this) for a smaller pot or one of those splatter guards for the big pot. These are perfect because they can be kept tight on the pot and the mesh lets all the steam escape without letting any of the popcorn escape. But just a lid works too.

You have to have SOMEthing on there though, or you will get popcorn EVERYWHERE. This makes dogs quite happy, but there's no need to waste good popcorn on dogs. So make sure you have a cover.

After a minute or so, the popcorn will start to pop. Turn the heat down to medium-high. Shake the pan a bit occasionally, keeping the cover on, to keep any of the popcorn from burning. When it's mostly done popping, which will only take a couple of minutes, pour it into a big bowl. Like, a BIG bowl. Not just big enough, but big enough so you can mix the popcorn around without pushing it all out of the bowl. Irritating.

Then, in your now-empty but still-hot pot that is off the heat, put in some butter*. A tablespoon, two tablespoons, whatever. Up to you. When the butter is melted, dribble half of it over the popcorn, then add some fine salt. Don't use kosher salt or coarse sea salt or anything--the crystals are too big. Ordinary table salt will work. Then mix it all around with your hands or a big spoon and add the other half of the butter and some more salt if you want.

And there's your popcorn. It kind of looks involved when it's all written out like this, but trust me, it takes about five minutes and is SOSOSOSO much better than that crap in a plastic bag.

Try it. You'll like it. Guaranteed.

* Confession: Until about a month ago, I always heated my butter separately in the microwave. Then I saw the MiL make popcorn, melting the butter in the conveniently still-hot pot, and I was all, "Oh. STUPID ME." That MiL. Such a clever one.

11 comments:

Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother said...

I'm all about the hot air popper. No cleanup at all. But yes, that does mean I have to nuke the butter. Which is cool, though, because I've got these awesome bowls with pour spouts in them. Almost exactly like these, except two bucks each at Old Time Pottery. (Seriously, who would pay $150 for those things?)


Word verification: ruerc -- configuration file specifying how many days to rue

Anonymous said...

We used to make popcorn on the stove. I had one pot especially for that purpose. Copper bottom. I think I prefer the hot air popper. They make them with little indents to melt your butter in. Messy but still, no mircowave. Fun for the kids too.

Anonymous said...

Good idea on the butter....the hubs butters his and I usually nuke it in a small glass dish....done with that now , thanks to your Mil. Thanks , Mil.
Love me some popcorn here too.
Beth
word verification- dysambi

puttin' bambi down ...dang that bambi

Sara said...

I always pop my popcorn on the stove! Sans butter. But with lots of salt. And a side of chocolate chips. Trust me, that's the way to eat it.

sheila said...

Used to have a hot air popper, it died and I never replaced it. One less piece of clutter on the counter. Heavy bottomed pot is the secret. Thin bottom pots tend to burn too easily.

sheila said...

oh, and we use soy sauce and nutritional yeast instead of butter. My kids had it at a friends house and came home with the idea. I tried it and found I like it better than butter. We use a spray bottle to apply the soy sauce then sprinkle on the yeast powder and stir. It is really tasty and doesn't leave my hands all greasy.

Word verification: begno-- what you say to the dogs while you eat the popcorn in front of them without sharing.

Domestic Dilettante said...

Our MiL bought us an old-fashioned corn popper (a tin pot with a lid that fastens and handle that turns an internal paddle) and we make REAL popcorn all the time. Microwave popcorn sucks.

Haley said...

I do it on the stove sometimes, but sometimes I am lazy and do it in the microwave, but I make my own microwave popcorn. You just put like 1/4 cup of kernels and a drizzle of oil in a paper bag (like a lunch bag) and fold over the top and staple it shut (the staple doesn't ignite, don't worry). Then just pop it in the microwave on your usual popcorn setting. No carcinogenic bag or weird "butter flavor." I am going to try to make it in the stove more.

To melt butter, I often do what I saw Alton Brown doing once, which is using a metal cup measure as a tiny pot on the stove. You can use the microwave, but I think it heats more evenly on the stove with no splatter quotient. And, using the cup measure as a tiny pot is really fun. If you're a dork like me.

Tree Huggin Momma said...

We use an airpopper for convenience, but I do love stove top popcorn, and ohh camp fire popcorn mmmmmmmmmm!

FinnyKnits said...

Amen - this is the only way.

Though I do like to pop with olive oil and I pre-add the salt with the oil so that it sort of coats the popped kernels as it goes. I skip the butter part at the end, but that's because of my wussiness. Sometimes, I give in though.

Whatever - it's all excellent. And I agree that micro popcorn is the devil.

I ate it for years until I found out it was, like, the #1 food you should avoid.

Of course, it's always the things I love.

Anonymous said...

My DIL had no idea popcorn could be made on the stovetop until DS showed her.

I have a tiny cast iron skillet I melt butter in. It is too tiny to do anything else with, but it is too cute not to use for something.