Locusts on the Beach

Yesterday morning when I took two packages of pork chops out of the freezer for dinner, I thought to myself, "That's too many pork chops." The package of six wouldn't have been quite enough (yes, for the five of us--A. eats a LOT of meat), so I took out a partial package of three as well, figuring on leftovers.

But then I ended up feeding eleven people, and it wasn't enough after all.

The reason I fed eleven people was that A.'s friend Jodi showed up on our beach with his three children plus his son's friend on his pontoon boat around 3 p.m., which naturally turned into cooking dinner down on the beach. A. and Jodi's friend Matt came down, too. So there were eleven people total to feed--three men, six boys (ages 12, 11, 8, 7, 6, and 3 years) , one girl (age 3 years), and me.

Jodi brought a couple of pounds of spicy Italian sausage and a few partial bags of chips. I contributed the nine pork chops, six small fish from the previous day's catch we hadn't cooked yet, a box of Triscuits, a sleeve of other crackers, cucumber and carrot sticks with ranch dip, and a bag of cherries.

Then I watched it all disappear under the swirling crowd of children on the beach.

Seriously. It was kind of amazing. I would set something down on one of the cottonwood stumps we use as tables and minutes later, it was gone.

The vegetables and dip, crackers, and cherries were all gone before the meat was done.

When the meat was ready, we piled it on a pan and set it on the picnic table. Everyone got a pork chop, and then the boys had a junior pissing contest over who could eat the most spicy sausage.

The fish was done last. They were all whole, small fish. I just put them all in a dish and threw them in the middle of the table to be devoured by the feral pack of children. The boys picked them all apart and discussed the possibility of using the cooked eyes as BBs in their BB guns.

A short time later, I actually managed to scavenge all the necessary ingredients for s'mores--mostly thanks to the MiL, as I do not routinely have graham crackers and bars of chocolate on hand--and offered those up to the ravenous horde. Every last marshmallow and bit of cracker was eaten.

Then the party boat departed, just like a plague of locusts moves on after devouring all the available sustenance in an area.

In all seriousness though, it was really fun. I can't blame the kids for being so hungry. They must've burned thousands of calories swimming and hitting with sticks for five hours.

Perhaps I've found the next great diet: Act like kids at the lake.

Just don't eat like them.