This Is Kristin's Brain on Sleep Deprivation

Hi! I was up until two o'clock this morning! Wheee! There's a funny story here, of course. And I know you're just DYING to hear it, so grab your coffee/martini/beverage of choice, and settle in.

Yesterday was the day my sister arrived for a short visit. Her plane was due at the airport in The Big City at 4:42 p.m. I had the timing all down. It's an hour and a half from the airport in The Big City to our house. So I'd pick her up, we'd zoom home and arrive just in time for dinner. I made dinner ahead of time and kept it in the oven. I checked her flight stats online, saw her first flight was delayed a bit, but her second flight had left on time. I left the house at 2:45 p.m., just to give myself an extra half hour cushion in case she actually got in early. She called my house at 3 p.m. to tell me she had missed her connection and DON'T COME TO THE AIRPORT.

Too late.

I'm sure many of you stopped up there on the "she called my house" part. I can picture you knitting your brows in befuddlement as to why she didn't just call my cell phone. Surely that would be more sensible. And it would. If I had a cell phone. But I don't. And before you get all, "What kind of loser doesn't have a cell phone?" I'll tell you. A loser with an extra $40 a month. That's $480 a year. WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, SUCKAS?

However. It would have been nice to have had a cell phone yesterday. Then I wouldn't have been sitting in an airport an hour and a half from my house, watching everyone from the Atlanta flight come through security. Except my sister. When I was sure there were no more people coming, I used a pay phone (remember those?) to call her cell phone. Whereupon she told me about the missed flight and that she wouldn't be arriving until 11:30 p.m. It was now 5 p.m. Shit.

I started to go home, because I don't know my way around this Big City and had no idea where there might be a place I could wile away six and a half hours. But I also really didn't want to drive an extra 150 miles round trip. Then, off the freeway, I saw the huge red sign of a Staples, glowing like a beacon. And I thought, "Where there is Staples, there will be more chains." So I exited the freeway, right onto the Magnificent Strip Mall Mile.

And lo and behold, the first place I saw was a bookstore. It even had a pay phone next to it, which I used to call A. to tell him I would be staying in the Big City until my sister arrived and please take the stew out of the oven so the house doesn't burn down. Then I went into the bookstore, which turned out to be an awesome discount bookstore where I spent an hour and got two books for nine dollars. I asked the clerk if there was a movie theater on that road. And of course, there was, a couple of miles away. I passed every chain restaurant IN THE WORLD on that road. It was kind of amazing. Unfortunately, the most ethnic restaurant I saw was Taco Bell, so I had to settle for Boston Market (mmm, mac and cheese . . .).

I stopped at Marshall's before going to the movie because while it had been 75 degrees with glaring sun at home, it was now 60 degrees with a stiff wind and I didn't have a jacket. So I bought a fairly ugly yet gratifyingly cheap sweater at Marshall's and continued to the movie theater. Where I saw a pretty terrible movie (My Best Friend's Girl--DON'T GO SEE THIS). The movie got out at 9 p.m., leaving me with two and a half hours to go. Luckily, Starbucks was OF COURSE on the Magnificent Strip Mall Mile, so I parked myself in one of their chairs, downed a double espresso, and began reading one of my books.

I noticed there was an awful lot of traffic in this Starbucks, and they all seemed . . . young. I didn't make the college connection until later. When some dude who looked about 15 sat down on the couch next to the chair I was slumped in and asked what I was reading. What I was reading was a book entitled "Bright Lights, Big Ass." I elected to not divulge the actual title and instead told him it was a chick book. Then he asked if I went to college there. I'm pretty sure I snorted in the midst of my laughter while I told him that no, I graduated from college awhile ago. Seven years ago. And then, since I felt sufficiently old, I decided it was time to go.

So we got home at 1 a.m. and then I lay awake for an hour, trying to will myself to go to sleep. And then I woke up at 6:30 this morning. OF COURSE. But no matter, because I got my day out. Even if it was a night out.

I'll get back to the Q&A later. Or maybe tomorrow. You must be patient, Grasshopper. Learn to bend with the breezes like a tree, lest you snap.

Holy Christ, do I need some sleep . . .