Meet the Family--The Fishes

I debated whether the goldfish should be a part of the Meet the Family series, since I think it's a stretch to call them family members. I mean, really. They spend their days floating around in water, eating and pooping. They don't so much interact with us like the other pets do. But A. loves his goldies, and they've been around for a few years, so I suppose they've earned family member status.

Allow me to present Alfie and Buttercup:

Hey, YOU try to take a good picture of fish in a tank.

If they look funny to you, that's because they're a special kind of goldfish called Lionheads. They're much fatter and rounder than normal goldfish, and their heads develop these nasty, bumpy protuberances. It is possible A. is the only person in the world who thinks they're cute.

Anyway, A. got Alfie when we were still living in a one-bedroom apartment. We couldn't have any other pets, and A. was going crazy without any animals around. So he bought the fish and then took to sitting in front of the tank, watching Alfie swim around. Occasionally, he would talk to Alfie. Then he decided Alfie needed a wife. Enter Buttercup, who is named for Princess Buttercup in "The Princess Bride." Of course, we have no idea if Buttercup is male, female, or transgender, but then again, we have no idea what Alfie is, either. And we don't care, because we support alternative lifestyles.

When we moved here and were suddenly overrun with dogs, cats, poultry, and sheep, the fish were relegated to various sub-standard dwellings. First, they were in a tank in the north bedroom. Until the tank froze almost completely in the winter. Goldfish will live quite happily under ice, but it's not so good when the ice turns solid. Then they were moved to a galvanized tub in the cellar for awhile. In the summer, they resided in a plastic tub outside. They currently live in a big-ass tank upstairs in an unused bedroom that will soon become The Aquatic Center. There's another, smaller tank in there with a few feeder fish that we bought this summer to put in the rain barrels and eat the mosquito larvae that grew in the barrels. But those feeder fish do not have names, and will not be introduced as members of the family.

Really, I think I was pushing it with Alfie and Buttercup, but there you go. Everyone has been properly introduced to The Fishes of Blackrock, and now A. can stop complaining that I treat the fish like second-class citizens.