Childbirth class number three last night. Also explicit birth video number three that I did not watch, because I am Uncooperative.
However, despite my lack of attention to Andrea and Jorge's experience with their second child and a VBAC (you can just look that one up for yourselves--no need to go into it here), I did learn some things. Such as:
1) Remember when I said last week's birth video, in a spectacular example of understatement, had said "many women experience a stretching or burning sensation" at the moment of crowning? Well, apparently, this moment and that sensation are actually referred to as "the ring of fire." The nurse kept using this phrase with absolutely no hint of humor. She also didn't break into song. I suspect that by this phase of labor I will not have sufficient presence of mind to sing the song as a kind of musical accompaniment to the proceedings, so I'll just have to get what amusement I can out of it now. That amusement was pretty substantial.
2) We were permitted to view and handle a pair of forceps last night. All I could think is that they look like the sort of instrument James Herriot used on birthing sheep in the Yorkshire Dales. Also, they were much larger than I would have expected. They're nothing that I would care to experience internally, and I'm glad that very few doctors use them anymore.
3) I once again failed at the narrated breathing exercise. In my defense, I have a cold and I can't really breathe in through my nose at the moment. Not in my defense, I never do those exercises right even when I can breathe normally. But it was particularly difficult last night, as man-cub chose that exact time to practice high-kicking. At the very moment the nurse was murmuring about how relaxed we should be and how the baby would be quiet and relaxed as well, man-cub was bucking like a saddle bronc.
That's my boy.