Parenting stumbling block #1693: Santa Claus.
As a grocery store cashier was cooing over Cubby the other day, she asked if he knew about Santa Claus yet. Though I answered politely enough in the negative, my brain was thinking, "Of COURSE not. He's not even TWO."
But I know there are kids his age who do know about Santa Claus. And I know he's perfectly capable of understanding at least the basic concept. I mean, this is a child who already knows exactly where the meat on his plate comes from*.
The problem, I suppose, is me. I am unexpectedly kerflummoxed by this. I don't really know how to explain with any kind of sincerity what sounds, frankly, like a totally ridiculous situation. Really now. Fat guy flies around the world in a sled pulled by eight tiny reindeer, sliding down chimneys at every house all over the world on one night a year to deliver presents? HOW do I say all that with a straight face?
I know we should be all about maintaining our children's innocence and encouraging a belief in magic or whatever, but . . . why? Why is it important for my son to believe in this?
I feel like an unbelievable Scrooge and cynic for even thinking that. Though I don't remember it, I'm sure I believed in Santa Claus. But I had two older siblings. I bet they were the ones who explained it to me. Which seems much more normal to me, because presumably they believed in him too. It wasn't some adult telling bald-faced (though well-intentioned) lies.
A. doesn't remember believing in Santa Claus. He was living in Saudi Arabia during the prime Santa Claus years, so he was more exposed to Ramadan than all the trappings of Christian holidays. So we have no personal experience to draw on here.
Anyway, I suppose Cubby will end up learning about Santa Claus one way or another, and I won't be quick to explain to him why it's all a pack of lies. Because then he'd be That Kid who goes around informing all the other tiny children that Santa Claus isn't real, and then they'd all go home crying to their parents and demanding explanations and their parents will all hate me for not fostering a belief in Santa.
Or something.
It's not something I thought about much one way or the other until a random question from a cashier at the grocery store. And now I have to think about it.
Ah, parenting. Knocks you on your ass on a regular basis.
So what about you, poppets? If you have/had small children, how did they learn about Santa Claus, if at all? And for those of you without small children, do you remember believing?
* Mealtime conversation by Cubby goes like this, "Meat? De-ah? (or "sheep?") Dad? Shoo? Saw? (in reference to the meat saw) Cut? Eat?" He's gonna be a big hit at dinner parties, no doubt.
13 comments:
I can't remember how we told our daughter about Santa. I think we just provided Santa gifts and she seemed to know all about it right from the start. I think it's become a part of our collective consciousness.
No kids. I believed in Santa Claus until in fourth grade when my classmates informed me otherwise. Beth
Didn't hurt any of us to believe in the 'magic' of Santa Claus, I don't believe anyone was scarred for life because of the 'story'.
After all there are also folks who think the story of Jesus is also along the lines of Santa's magic and is pretty hard to believe too.
Thinking about it .... that you are stewing over this subject and the killing/dressing/eating of your family meat is just second nature to him, because he was just raised that way. :)
I didn't tell my kids about Santa, the rest of the world did, via relatives, friends, movies, etc. I suppose the oldest got the idea from outside sources around the age of 3 and I just didn't deny it, which to her was confirmation of existence. Oh, and I bet at around that age was when I started reading, The Night Before Christmas, every Christmas Eve. In my experience, some children will believe wholeheartedly, while others (the analytical types) will be little atheists right from the start. Just don't let anyone try the old lie that, You better be nice, you better be good, Santa is coming to town. This backfired with one of my unbelievers at age 4. He decided to prove this was all nonsense by being as bad as possible the day before Christmas. On Chistmas morning he came slowly down the stairs, peeked around the corner and saw the presents under the tree. The fearful little agnostic exclaimed, "I knew it was a lie and I'd get presents even if I did everything bad!" He became a confirmed atheist forever and corrected anyone that tried to pawn off either Santa, or God on him. Meanwhile, his older sister was a firm believer in Santa for several more years. Made for some interesting conversations between the two of them. Both held firmly to their belief system and tried to indoctrinate the younger siblings into their respective ideological camps.
My best adivce is, don't worry too much about what you pass on to Cubby, he will form his own ideas inspite/despite what you think. Kids are like that when they are bright. I already know Cubby is a smart little guy, just from what you have shared with us readers.
I admit, I feel icky playing to the Santa charade now that Sadie is old enough to get it. Brad was very adamant about me letting her believe it, though, because he thinks it's all a part of the magic of childhood, blah blah blah. I never really cared one way or another about Santa when I was a kid (I just wanted my presents & didn't care who delivered them), but Brad was really into it. So...there we are. I'm trying to convince myself that this whole Santa thing is mostly harmless, but I am always as honest as I can be with Sadie, and I HATE feeling like I'm pulling one over on her. HOWEVER, the "I'm calling Santa if you can't be a good girl" threat works LIKE A GODDAMN CHARM. Go ahead and judge me, folks, but you're not the one trying to convince a headstrong two-year-old to use the toilet when you're 25 minutes late for work.
I think you could just read "the Night Before Christmas" or something of that ilk to him. Thenyou wouldn't technically be TELLING the strange tale, you would be simply conveying it the same way all odd cultural stories are passed along, through folk tales, stories.
Do you do stockings? And if so, who is identified as the "filler" of the stockings?
Merry Christmas to you all!
And, always remember my family's favorite conundrum---- SANTA jumbled spells SATAN! Talk about a "War on Christmas"!
Mikey
I remember believing, and I remember being puzzled because it didn't seem logical--but I guess I really didn't care about the lack of logic because it was all so magical. And, of course, as a little girl I liked magical things. Perhaps all children do, and I think that is fine.
The Santa thing certainly didn't cause me to mistrust/distrust my parents and everyone else who believed in Santa. I had an uncle who "retrieved" Cheerios and quarters from my ears whenever he saw me. Also clearly not the truth--but also clearly fun, and teasing, and loving, and magical.
It's all adults playing with their children--and play is good.
Given a few basic details, I'm betting Cubby will fill in amazing details from his own imagination. And I think that's a gift--to him and to everyone who loves him.
I sort-of remember believing. I don't remember finding out otherwise, though I clearly did at some point.
Our girls "ask Santa" for things that they think we might not give them, but I'm pretty sure they're hip to who's filling the order. Not exactly something you can ask about, though.
This has been on my mind a lot lately as well. We didn't tell Leif about Santa, he just picked it up (and has now "met" him more times than I can count through community events, etc.). He seems pretty skeptical about it all and asks a lot of logical questions. When he does, I just keep answering with an, "I don't know, I've never really met Santa. What do YOU think?". It sort of drives him nuts that I won't give a straight answer, but I don't want to lie.
He plays a lot of games that involve him being Santa and leaving presents for us, so I think that if he doesn't already get it, when the truth finally reveals itself he'll understand the fun that comes with the whole game of Christmas.
As for gifts, until now we've let Santa fill the stockings and the other gifts are from us. I feel good about keeping the Santa thing minimal. We haven't left out cookies or reindeer snacks or anything, but I guess if he decides he wants to we will. Totally letting him lead the way on this.
Oh, and Jive Turkey - I alwasy told myself I would NEVER pull out the Santa card with bad behavior, but sometimes it just flies out of my mouth. Totally not my intention, but in a desperate situation...
I agree with anonymous...don't you read childrens books about Christmas to him? I believed in Santa until I was about 7. It's such a short window of time, that I would play it to the hilt. Christmas is supposed to be magical at their age.
Sandy Shoes
I love Cubby's mealtime conversation.
AMEN SISTER.
I just had this converstaion yesterday with my BF about it. I will not be teaching my daughter that Santa is an actual thing (becuase that is ridiculous) but I will be telling her the fairy tale about him, so she knows the origins, and all that good stuff.
I just can't see myself (or you for that matter) making a big deal over a story and trying to play it off like it's real. Leaving coal if you're bad? I like what David Sedaris says - that Santa doesn't traffic in coal anymore. Now, when you're bad, he comes to your house and takes your applicances....
When Parker was about six maybe, I failed to leave money from the tooth fairy. He was unhappy and I was having a bad day, so I kind of blurted out "There is no tooth fairy! Dad and I are the tooth fairy!" And he got this horrible look on his face and said "Does that mean Santa isn't real either?"
Yeah, I pretty much sucked sometimes as a mother.
This whole conversation reminds me of the episode of Malcolm in the Middle where the mom gets fed up with the kids and locks all the Christmas stuff in the garage. The boys are trying to convince her to bring it all back, and one of them says, "This is the last year that Dewey will believe in Santa!" Cut to Dewey with a horrified look on his face as he whimpers, "What?"
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