Evolution of a Tomato Harvest

Stage One: The Beginning

The tomatoes have just started getting ripe, so there is much anxious monitoring of the plants for any that might be ready to eat. No storage containers are necessary at this stage, as the tomatoes pretty much go from plant to mouth, with occasional uses for tomato salads. The tomato grower might start exhibiting signs of extreme jealousy and paranoia regarding Tomato Thieves.

Stage Two: The Hoarding

The tomatoes may be starting to accumulate slowly, with a few harvested every day and put in a small bowl in the kitchen. The tomato grower is still jealous of his/her tomatoes, but may be willing to share with select friends and family members. Tomatoes may begin to be used for actual cooking in this stage, as opposed to the plain tomatoes and tomato salads that characterize Stage One.

Stage Three: The Accumulation

The tomatoes are ripening much faster now and require a fairly large colander for storage on the counter. The tomato grower may begin doling out tomatoes with a generous hand to anyone who expresses interest in tomatoes. The tomatoes are now being used in greater quantities for sauces and other cooked dishes requiring five or more tomatoes at a time.

Stage Four: The Panic

The tomato plants are now more red than green, with dozens ripening every day. Multiple large bowls and colanders are conscripted into use for storage, and every available foot of counter space is full of ripe tomatoes. The tomato grower may begin weeping at the sight of the vast quantities of tomatoes that have now taken over his/her life. The tomato grower may also begin thrusting tomatoes at random individuals, such as the UPS man.

Stage Five: The Canning

The tomato grower has conceded defeat and begun the tedious process of peeling, de-seeding, and canning the multitudes of tomatoes. He/she may be prone to fits of rage at this stage, most especially if canning coincides with an oppressive heat wave. Cold compresses and gin and tonics are recommended.

Stage Six: The Waiting

At this stage, the tomato grower begins anxiously watching the overnight forecast, looking for the first hint of frost. The tomato grower will cover his/her plants the first few times a frost is predicted, but will eventually give up, harvest all the tomatoes left on the plants, and begin plotting next year's tomato plantings.