What Not To Wear

I think it's a pretty safe generalization to say that anything I wear in my house, I should not wear outside of my house.  This is because all the clothing I wear at Blackrock is either stained or ugly.  Or both, actually.

This is brought home to me every time I have to leave the house and interact with people other than my son, my husband, or my mother-in-law, none of whom rate the courtesy of me caring what I look like around them, apparently.

Actually, my attire on a daily basis has less to do with me not making an effort and more to do with the fact that I live a particularly dirty and cold life, so I must be in clothing that is both warm and disposable enough that another rust stain from that one spot by the sink won't matter.

This is why I spend my days in long johns, jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, a flannel shirt, AND a wool sweater.  Basically, I look (and feel) like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from November to May.

I have three wool sweaters.  One is a hideous, bulky brown cardigan on which the buttons will not stay closed. The other is a not as hideous, but definitely more bulky cream-colored cardigan on which the buttons stay closed but which is perpetually dingy-looking thanks to its light color and the fact that it must be hand washed.  It weighs approximately twenty pounds when wet and takes three days to dry.  So.  Not so frequent with the washing.  And then I have a too-big-for-me alpaca sweater from Peru that my sister gave me.  It's the least bulky, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it attractive or anything.

These three sweaters are my mainstays day in and day out in the winter.  I will on occasion wear the alpaca sweater somewhere like the village library, but the other two?  Forget it.  I have my vanity, and I will not appear in public in these sweaters.

This is why when I leave the house for exciting events like story hour with Cubby on Tuesdays, I have to literally change my clothes for the hour I'm out of the house and then change back again when I get home.  I also have to do this because the layers of clothing necessary for even minimal comfort at Blackrock would probably cause me to suffer heatstroke in a normal, centrally heated environment.

You see the problems I have to deal with on a daily basis.  Such a trial, this life of mine.

So, duckies, what item (or items, plural) of clothing do you slump around the house in but would never, ever be caught in outside the house?  I know you all have at least one.